MSS #011: Why sh*t keeps repeating itself and how to plot a different course

25 March, 2023

Read time: 5.1 minutes

This week find out why the same crappy stuff seems to keep happening to you.

Learn 6 ways to switch your minds sat nav back to what you really want.

We were not born with an instruction manual for how our minds work, with a little insight life becomes a lot clearer and easier.

Let’s get into it now. 👇

4 facts no one taught us at school:

I have studied how the mind works for the last 10 years, so you do not have to. I could share so much information, but I will not – I will keep it brief.

These 4 facts will help you understand why sh*t seems to keep happening to you and why the solutions I provide later do work.

1. Mind prioritises negative thoughts

Evolutionary the priority was to survive and reproduce. That’s why our minds are still fixated with looking for potential threats.

These days those threats do not come in the shape of Saber Tooth tigers but in the form of modern days stresses. We must work harder to get positive thoughts to stick. Dr. Rick Hanson puts it best describing the mind as

“Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”

2. The unconscious part of our brain, is a vast store of all we have ever learnt, seen and done

Our conscious mind has the short-term memory for things we use and need to recall often – a bit like cache memory in a computer.

Our unconscious stores everything. But it is a bit like an attic in the house, it is difficult to remember what is stored there and you need to go rummaging around to find things.

If you see a quiz contestant say they have a gut feel what the answer is, but no conscious knowledge of it – that is your unconscious memory dragging something relevant out for you and presenting it as a gut instinct.

3. Our minds cannot process “don’t”, without thinking about what we do not want to happen!

This is sort of obvious, but important to understand. Ok, don’t think about a blue elephant…….to try and think about not doing something we have to in fact think about what we do not want! Crazy, obvious, but extremely important.

When you tell a child, don’t do that – you are giving them an image of what you do not want them to do! Far better to tell them to do what you do want. So,

 “Don’t walk on the grass” becomes “Walk on the path please”

4. How we focus - the Reticular Activating System (RAS)

We have a torrent of information coming in from our senses. If we were to be aware of all of it, it would overwhelm us. Imagine a superhero with incredible hearing, they would drown in noise if they could not focus on a few voices or sounds.

At the base of our brain stem, we have a tight bunch of neurons that provides that focus and search function for us. By placing our attention on something, with our thoughts, we “program” or instruct our RAS what to focus on.

The RAS then hones in on new information and old stored material, that will support where you placed your attention. Think about the last time you bought something like a car, phone or a tablet. Once you narrowed down your choice, you keep noticing that specific model, again and again. That is your RAS focussing on what you told it to and finding examples of that model of technology you intend to purchase.

Piecing this together – why does it matter?

We have learnt,

• We have to work harder to notice positive things – like the ones you do want to happen to you, not the sh*tty negative things

• When you keep thinking about what is worrying you or what you are afraid of, you are inadvertently “programming” your RAS to look for more examples of how you can make this happen, using

  •  new information arriving thought your senses (strictly speaking smell is the only sense that does not go to the RAS)

  • relevant learning from your vast store of past experiences

This also has the effect of “surrounding” you with more examples of sh*tty stuff happening, helping convince you this is your lot in life! More on this another day.

Without knowing it we are instructing our powerful minds to help us get towards more of what is worrying us! Ah! Ouch!!

Now we know that I will share a few different ways you can keep get your attention back to what you do want.

Getting back on track

The first thing to be clear about is what you want to happen in your life. If you are unclear what your aim is, you will not get there – a simple as that. You need to clearly set your compass, a bit like setting the destination in a sat nav.

I could spend a lot of time showing you how to work on it but let’s keep it simple.

• Choose one thing you want to achieve

• Be clear what the outcome is – what does it look, sound and feel like?

• Create images in your mind of what this might look like, once achieved

• Consider how it would feel when you arrive at that destination, as if you have already achieved it

6 ways to set your Sat Nav

I have a load more information on this, but I will keep it brief.

I am sharing lots of different ways to set your direction, NOT because I want or encourage you to do all of them - simply because we have own individual way of thinking, some ideas will fit better with you than others. I suggest you choose one or two tops, that way you will use them!

Summary below,

1. Awareness + Nudge

2. Visualisation

3. I am grateful for X

4. Vison board

5. Write it down on a small piece of paper

6. Say you don’t want what you do want, uh!

Let’s get into a bit more detail.👇

Sat nav tool #1 - Awareness + Nudge

Now you are aware of the importance of where your place your thoughts and attention, you will notice more often and be able to nudge your thoughts back to what you do want in life.

A simple way to nudge your thoughts back, it a verbal reminder. Lets imagine your mind keeps drifting to what you are afraid of, simply in your mind say,

“Over here please”

This is a simple way to get your thinking back to what you DO want. It might sound silly, but it works if you keep doing it. It then becomes a habit. Visualising this gets the point across to the unconscious mind quicker, I do this by imaging a train track junction split into two directions, as I say “over here please” I imagine a level being pulled to change my thought train track to where I want it to go.

Sat nav tool #2 – Visualisation

This always sounds very grand to me. Simply put the unconscious parts of the mind work in the language or currency of images and emotions. If you think about what you want to achieve in pictures – as if you are enjoying it now, this is the best way to give your mind a message.

Even better, add some emotion to how it might feel. My visualisations are not in technicolour, grand or spectacular, they are a combination of fleeting images, sensations and feelings. As you practice, you will get better.

Sat nav tool #3 - I am grateful for X

Affirmations work. These are statements you say to yourself with a specific formula. I have used them, but I found them somewhat strange. An easier format is to say to yourself,

“I am grateful for….{describe what you are aiming for}.

Say it though, like you have already achieved it, as the unconscious mind works in the present moment.

It could be a simple aim e,g,

“I am grateful for feeling so calm”

Sat nav tool # 4 - Vison board

Some people prefer to get a large sheet of paper and paste pictures of what they are aiming for. This is a variation on visualisation, same idea implemented differently. Keep it somewhere you can see regularly, such as a screen saver or in your hallway.

Sat nav tool #5 - Write it down on a small piece of paper

Keep that piece of paper in a prominent place or places, so you see it regularly. This keeps you focussed and engaged on what you DO want.

Sat nav tool #6 - Say you don’t want what you do want, uh!

This is really sneaky. You can use the fact that it is easier to focus on what you do not want to trick your mind. Let’s say your aim is to get slimmer. You could keep saying to your,

“I do not want to get slimmer and be able to fit into my size X dress / trousers”.

Then keep an image of what you said you did not want, i.e. you wearing those slim clothes. This sneaky hack is actually keeping you fixated on what you do want, because your mind has to create images and feelings of what you stated you do not want. Weird, but it works.

So what?

That was a quick look under the bonnet of our minds, explaining why sh*t keeps happening.

Quick recap.

What we learnt,

• Our minds tend towards negative stuff like Velcro

• Unconscious mind is a vast store of learning

• We cannot process “don’t” without thinking about the subject we want to avoid

• The RAS is the minds powerful tool for focusing

Be clear what you do want, if not you will never get there – a bit like programming in the destination for a Sat Nav.

Choose one of the 6 ways to set your attention and thoughts to what you do want,

1. Awareness + Nudge

2. Visualisation

3. I am grateful for X

4. Vison board

5. Write it down on a small piece of paper

6. Say you don’t want what you do want, uh!

Want more? When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Digital course - If you want to build amazing self confidence, I'd recommend starting with an affordable course:

→ Nuclear Powered Resilience: will teach you a single golden habit, to give you an incredible inner strength and self confidence,

2. Work with me 121 - I can coach you to be implement any of the techniques I share, support you implementing any of training courses or be your business and mind coach helping you better manage those distracting thoughts that often get in our way.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me if you choose, to help your team increase their productivity.

Nuclear Powered Resilience – learn one golden habit that gives incredible inner strength, comfort and support, that keeps growing by instilling Unconditional Love in your mind.

7 guiding principles to better thinking – what trips up our thinking and how to create different habitual responses.

What they should have taught you at school – awareness of how we think and how to get better results.

Vitamin C for the mind – how to feel and have more control in life, with simple techniques built into a habit.

Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

Send your enquiry to [email protected].

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Happy thinking.

25 March, 2023