MSS #015:Finding a moment of calm

MSS #015: Please let this STOP - how to STOP overwhelm and catastrophising.

Read time: 4.6 minutes.

In a hurry? Cut straight to the 2 techniques read from heading 2 techniques to give you peace – reduced read time 2.1 minutes

This one is for moments when you feel overwhelmed and your mind is taking and keeping you seemingly trapped, in very unpleasant thoughts. Often the same thoughts terrorising you repeatedly.

Uncover two simple techniques to quickly restore mental balance and space to get relief from your pain. Get back to a moment of reality, calmness and reassurance.

In moments of mental distress, we need something simple and easy to implement, as our mental capacity to think rationally is momentarily suspended.

Here we go, these techniques are super simple.

When to use these 2 techniques

To be honest you can use them anytime you like, just to pull yourself out of your mental bubble and to become present and focussed on the here and now.

These techniques are particularly great when you are really struggling mentally and you keep going over the same stuff in your head. Adding more and more layers of melodrama until the core fact of what was disturbing you, has become a distant fragment of the now incredible theatre of events going off in your head. I am not belittling what happens in our minds by use the words “melodrama” – I have been there, that’s what it is like.

Regardless of what is bothering us, our minds use their powerful ability to embellish and add more and more drama, making the situation feel even worse. Some people refer to this as “catastrophising”. Our minds can create amazing theatres of dreams or nightmares.

My favourite quote that sums this up is from Mark Twain,

“I have suffered a great many catastrophies in my life. Most of them never happened”

Others have reflected on the way our incredible minds can take a fact and give it a completely different or more impactful meaning. Take a look at these,

“What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think they are” - Epictetus

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” - William Shakespeare 

“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” - Marcus Aurelius

“External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” - Marcus Aurelius

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.” - Seneca

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” - Epictetus

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”- Epictetus, Enchiridion

Epictetus was born a slave in a wealthy household, over 2,000 years ago in Hierapolis (present-day Pamukkale in Turkey), after obtaining freedom he taught philosophy. He wrote some amazing works on life and how to approach it. One of the most powerful quotes I use to remind me when I get upset, agitated, or worried about an event or situation is,

“So to every harsh appearance I say you are but an appearance and not the only way of seeing the thing that appears”

It reminds me it is not the event or situation that makes me upset, but the meaning I *choose to give it. In fact, I have the power to give it another meaning, instantly and change how I feel. This is an amazing gift and a simple, but powerful insight.

*Choose – this might seem a strange term. But we do in fact have the choice to change the meaning attached to a story. Most of the time habits kick in to how we interpret events and situations.

For six months I repeated Epictetus quote to myself every time I felt anxious about various life changing events that was affecting my family at the time, it gave me the space to choose a different meaning and response in my head.

In fact, I did not choose a different meaning for events, I used this to just drain the fear or anxiety I had before, with the meaning I had. By realising the meaning, I attached was simply a construct in my mind. Yes, there were real and profound events happening in my life at the time, but I realised I was magnifying them in my mind and also giving those thoughts more impact, by focussing on them rather than choosing to focus on the here and now, more in another newsletter.

The above may help for some issues, but for times you are really struggling, try these next two techniques.

2 techniques to give you peace

IMPORTANT: Only use this skill if it is safe to do so. By using this skill, you will become fully present and be observing things, so DO NOT use while driving, flying etc. DO NOT USE if you are undertaking any task you need to be fully in control.

WARNING: these two techniques are ridiculously simple but also very powerful. I used the first one a lot when my wife had a year of intensive cancer treatment and we had no income – so plenty to worry about. I do not mention this to play Top Trumps with life’s challenges, but to reassure this does work in difficult moments.

1. Where are you now?

When I feel overwhelmed or simply want a break from my thoughts, I stand still wherever I am then simply ask myself (in my head – you can do it out load if you prefer),

 “Where am I right now?”

I do this in a firm, authoritative voice (in my head)

I then look at my feet and see where they are to make the question instantly relevant. I look to see where my feet are planted, right now. Then I look up to observe my surroundings to snap my mind back to the present moment. I often did this while out for a short walk – so I would answer the question (in my head), something like this.

“I am in a field, in Shropshire, not far from my house. The sun is shining and I see a few clouds”

The more often you do this, the more effective and quicker it becomes. Pretty soon, it becomes an ingrained habit.

This might sound really daft, trust me it is not. It forces you to get out of your head and face the factual reality of where you are in that instant. Do not allow your mind to drag you back into worry with a list of the bad stuff that is going on. Keep it to the mundane facts of where you are in that moment in space and time.

2. One square meter

Some years after using the technique about, I came across a variation on a theme of a technique an ex SAS soldier used in highly tarrying situations of life and death and shear panic.

In Jason Fox’s book “Life under fire” he describes when in a combat situation under severe pressure with maybe an injured or dead colleague nearby and under heavy fire from other forces it would be easy to panic and lose control, resulting in death. “Foxy” developed a technique of filtering out all his emotions and all that was going on around him, by asking the question,

“what I can I see and control within 1 meter in all directions around me?”

By focusing on this, he was able to take action to improve his lot and not get overwhelmed. From there he asked the same question again and kept moving until eventually in safety.

So what?

Quick recap.

• Take a look at the quotes at the beginning, choose one you can use to remind you how we can easily make real life issues even bigger in our minds or by creating a meaning to a situation that we have created

• Use these two next techniques any time but particularly when feeling overwhelmed with troublesome thoughts and associated feelings and emotions

  • “Where am I right now” – look at your feet and the sky and answer the question

  • “One square meter” – “what can I see and control within 1 meter around me?”, then ask this again when you move forward

• Do not underestimate how powerful these techniques are just because they are quick and simple to use

Want more? When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Digital course - If you want to build amazing self confidence, I'd recommend starting with an affordable course:

→ Nuclear Powered Resilience: will teach you a single golden habit, to give you an incredible inner strength and self confidence,

2. Work with me 121 - I can coach you to be implement any of the techniques I share, support you implementing any of training courses or be your business and mind coach helping you better manage those distracting thoughts that often get in our way.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me if you choose, to help your team increase their productivity.

Nuclear Powered Resilience – learn one golden habit that gives incredible inner strength, comfort and support, that keeps growing by instilling Unconditional Love in your mind.

7 guiding principles to better thinking – what trips up our thinking and how to create different habitual responses.

What they should have taught you at school – awareness of how we think and how to get better results.

Vitamin C for the mind – how to feel and have more control in life, with simple techniques built into a habit.

Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

Send your enquiry to [email protected].

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

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Happy thinking.

22 April, 2023