MSS #096: How to Handle Criticism Like a Pro: The LEAD Approach

MSS #096: How to Handle Criticism Like a Pro: The LEAD Approach

9 Nov, 2024

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Receiving criticism can be tough—whether it's from a colleague, a boss, or a loved one.

Sometimes it’s delivered with good intent, aimed at helping us improve.

Other times, it may come across as harsh or even mean-spirited, even if not intended so.

But regardless of the other person’s intent, we always have control over how we RESPOND, that will be our focus.

This week, I want to share a simple but powerful approach you can use to handle criticism in a way that helps you grow and stay calm, no matter the situation.

You Can’t Control Intent, But You Can Control Your Response

When we receive criticism, our immediate reaction is often defensive—especially if we sense or suspect the other person’s intent isn’t entirely supportive.

But here’s the thing: we can only assume their intent.

For example I am a detailed thinking, so someone for whom detail is not their way of thinking may find my questions very direct and deeply inquiring – so the response to my questions will be different to a fellow detailed thinker.

What we can control is our mindset and our response to it.

Rather than getting bogged down by whether the person meant well or not, you can choose to view any feedback as a learning opportunity.

By staying curious and composed, you have the power to control the interaction and in some cases even change the dynamic of the conversation.

If the person’s intent was less than positive, they may be taken aback by your calm and measured response, which can disarm their negativity.

The LEAD Approach to Criticism

To help you navigate criticism more effectively, I’ve developed a simple four-step approach that’s easy to remember: LEAD.

• L: Listen without interrupting

• E: Evaluate the intent and content

• A: Acknowledge and ask for clarity

• D: Decide how to respond

Let’s break this down.

1. Listen without Interrupting

This is the most critical first step.

When someone is “criticising” you, your natural instinct may be to jump in and defend yourself.

Instead CHOOSE to pause and listen to the entire message without interrupting.

This allows you to process their feedback fully, which can help you respond more thoughtfully.

Listening without interruption also gives you time to calm any initial emotional response. Whether the feedback is constructive or not, taking this time is key to staying in control.

They key is you are CHOOSING to set this as your default response, rather than occupying your thoughts about feeling hurt.

It may take a few practices to make this your new default response.

2. Evaluate the Content and Disregard the Intent

Once you’ve listened to the criticism, try to separate the content from the intent.

You don’t know the INTENT of the person giving criticism. You might think you do, but you will be guessing and run the risk of making harmful “stories” in your mind as to their intent.

Focus on the content.

Ask yourself: is this feedback useful for me?

Is there something I can learn from it?

Even if the other person’s delivery or intent wasn’t ideal, there may still be a valid point in what they’re saying.

At the same time, if the criticism seems baseless or aimed at hurting you, it’s important to recognise that this says more about the critic, than it does about you.

Remember, their intent doesn’t have to dictate your response.

CHOOSING to learn from this, one way or another, is something you control.

Regardless of the intent from the person criticising it puts you in control of your response.

3. Acknowledge and Ask for Clarity

Acknowledging the feedback, even if you don’t agree with all of it, can diffuse tension and show the other person you’re open to constructive criticism.

Say something like, “I appreciate your feedback” or “Thanks for sharing that.”

If you’re unsure of what they mean or think there’s a misunderstanding, now is the time to ask for clarity.

This can turn a potentially difficult conversation into a more productive one.

By showing that you’re genuinely interested in their perspective, you often gain more respect and control over the situation.

This choice keeps you in control of your response.

4. Decide How to Respond

Now that you’ve listened, evaluated the feedback, and asked for clarity, it’s time to decide how to respond. You have several options:

• If the feedback is constructive, acknowledge it and take it on board. For example:

  “I see your point, and I’ll work on that.”

• If you don’t agree, you can respectfully offer your own perspective without becoming defensive. Try saying:

  “I understand where you’re coming from, but I see things differently because...”

• If the feedback feels purely negative or unhelpful, it’s okay to set a boundary and move on. You can say something like:

  “I appreciate your input, but I don’t find that perspective useful right now.”

Why LEAD Works

By following the LEAD approach, you maintain control over the conversation and your emotions, no matter the intent of the criticism.

This method helps you avoid knee-jerk reactions, stay calm, and respond in a way that aligns with your values.

In some cases, this calm response can even shift the critic’s attitude, especially if their initial intent was not positive.

People often change their tone when they see that their words haven’t had the intended emotional impact.

Summary

Criticism doesn’t have to derail your confidence or mood.

By using the LEAD approach, you can turn any feedback into an opportunity for growth—regardless of the intent behind it.

• L: Listen without interrupting.

• E: Evaluate the intent and content.

• A: Acknowledge and ask for clarity.

• D: Decide how to respond.

Next time you receive criticism, try using LEAD to stay in control of your response, and you’ll find it easier to keep your cool and even learn from the feedback, whether it was intended to help or not.

If you want more advice on handling difficult conversations or managing criticism, reach out to me for support.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.