MSS #092: Decoding Employee and Family Interactions: Are They Seeking Help, To Be Heard, or Simply Need a Hug?

MSS #092: Decoding Employee and Family Interactions: Are They Seeking Help, To Be Heard, or Simply Need a Hug?

12 Oct, 2024

🕒Read time: 3.5 minutes

🚀In a hurry? Cut straight to the heading "3 Steps to Better Support" - reduced read time 1.2 minutes

Many years ago, I came across a concept that, while I don’t recall all the details, has remained incredibly useful in both my professional and personal life.

The idea revolves around recognising what someone is seeking when they come to you for a conversation.

While I didn’t create the terms myself, the essence of it is captured in three simple words: Help, Hear, Hug.

Whether you're at work or at home, these three words offer a powerful framework for understanding and responding to those around you.

When someone approaches you or you realise someone needs some support, they are likely seeking one of these three things: they need help with a problem, they want to be heard and understood, or they are looking for emotional support - a hug.

3 steps to better support

1. Helping: Guiding Towards Solutions or Clarity

When someone seeks your help, they might not always be looking for a direct solution to a problem.

It could be that they need clarity about an issue, help understanding what they want to achieve, or insight into what’s blocking them from reaching a goal in life or work.

Your role in these moments is to guide them towards greater understanding, whether that’s problem-solving or helping them gain a clearer picture of their path forward.

Here's how to approach it:

• Listen First, Solve or Clarify Later:

Take the time to fully understand the issue before jumping in.

Sometimes people don’t need a solution—they need clarity or help articulating what they want.

• Ask Insightful Questions:

Probe deeper to help them uncover the root cause of their challenge or the barriers standing in their way.

It could be that they haven’t yet fully understood what’s blocking them, and your questions can guide them towards that realisation.

The best questions get others to look inside and find their own clarity, sense of contentment or getting in tune with themselves.

• Empower, Don’t Enable:

Whether it’s about finding a solution or discovering clarity, your role is to guide them.

Encourage independent thinking and reflection to help them grow.

• Follow-Up:

Don’t leave them to figure it all out alone.

Check back in to see how they’re progressing and if they need further support or refinement of their goals.

By focusing on these areas, you foster a culture where team members and loved ones feel supported in finding clarity, solving problems, and achieving personal growth.

2. Hearing: Creating Space for Voices

Sometimes, people just need to be heard.

At work, an employee might want to share an idea, give feedback, or simply get something off their chest.

At home, it could be a family member who needs to express their feelings or share their thoughts.

Here’s how to get it right:

• Be Present:

Give them your full attention—no distractions. This not only shows respect but also encourages them to share more openly.

• Encourage Dialogue:

Use open-ended questions to draw out their thoughts and insights.

This not only clarifies their point but can also uncover ideas or solutions you hadn’t considered.

• Validate Their Contribution:

Acknowledge what they’ve shared.

This can be as simple as summarising their points or thanking them for their input.

• Constructive Feedback:

If you need to offer feedback, do so in a way that encourages further discussion and mutual understanding.

When people feel truly heard, whether at work or at home, they’re more likely to engage and contribute, leading to stronger relationships and a more supportive environment.

3. Hugging: Offering Emotional Support

There are times when what someone really needs is emotional support. Whether at work or at home, people sometimes feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or simply in need of reassurance. Your role here is to provide empathy and encouragement.

Here’s how to approach it:

• Empathy is Key:

Recognise and validate their feelings.

Let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do, and that you’re there to support them.

• Safe Space:

Provide a non-judgemental space for them to express their emotions.

Sometimes, just being able to talk about what’s bothering them can be incredibly cathartic.

• Encourage Healthy Coping:

If appropriate, suggest ways to manage their stress, whether it’s taking a break, seeking additional resources, or simply talking it out further.

• Regular Check-Ins:

Follow up to see how they’re doing and offer ongoing support as needed.

Approaching these “hugging” moments with genuine care can help those around you build resilience, ensuring they feel supported not just as employees or family members, but as individuals.

If it’s appropriate, sometimes a hug is what is called for. Recently a near neighbour broke the news his wife of 50 years had just passed, we chat from time to time. At the end of him delivering his news I simply said “Bill, I think a hug is appropriate if that’s ok?” It was ok and we had a hug. Sometimes a hug does and says more than anything else!

Summary

Navigating the "Three H's"—Helping, Hearing, and Hugging—is a versatile approach that works just as well at home as it does in the workplace.

Although I didn’t create these terms, I find them incredibly helpful for understanding the different types of support people might need.

Each type of conversation requires a tailored approach to ensure those around you feel supported and understood, fostering a culture of growth, open communication, and emotional resilience.

In Summary:

• Helping: Guide don’t just solve and help uncover clarity.

• Hearing: Listen actively, engage, and validate.

• Hugging: Offer empathy, support, and follow-up.

By mastering these interactions, you can better support your team and family, leading to stronger relationships and a more positive environment both at work and at home.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.