MSS #090: Master Your Inner Dialogue: A Practical Guide to Gently Nudge Your Self-Talk

MSS #090: Master Your Inner Dialogue: A Practical Guide to Gently Nudge Your Self-Talk

28 Sept, 2024

🕒Read time: 4.5 minutes

🚀In a hurry? Cut straight to the heading “Nudge Your Self-Talk” - reduced read time 1.7 minutes

Self-talk is an ongoing conversation we have with ourselves.

Yet, much of this chatter happens so quickly and subconsciously that we don't even notice it.

Today, we’ll explore the brain's role in self-talk, why it’s so influential and how to gently steer it in a more positive direction using my ACE approach—Awareness, Choosing, and Embedding.

Instead of full-on reframing, we’ll focus on a more realistic and sustainable method: nudging your self-talk in a better direction over time.

Understanding Self-Talk and Its Impact on the Brain
Self-talk is the stream of thoughts that runs through your mind, sometimes loud and clear, other times a barely noticeable whisper.

This internal dialogue can be positive, negative, or neutral and profoundly influences your emotions, behaviours and even physical well-being.

On a neurological level, self-talk engages several key areas of the brain:

• Prefrontal Cortex: This part of the brain, often called the “executive function” area, is involved in decision-making and moderating social behaviour. When you engage in self-talk, especially when weighing options or considering consequences, the prefrontal cortex is hard at work.

• Amygdala: Known as the brain’s emotional processing centre, the amygdala is activated during self-talk, particularly when the content of your thoughts is emotionally charged, such as in stressful or anxiety-provoking situations.

• Hippocampus: The hippocampus is involved in forming new memories and connecting emotions and senses, such as sounds and smells, to these memories. Self-talk often draws from past experiences stored in the hippocampus.

Why does self-talk hold so much power? Because it operates like a feedback loop—your thoughts shape your emotions, which in turn reinforce your thoughts.

Over time, this can hardwire certain patterns of thinking, either positive or negative, deeply into your brain.

The Invisible Nature of Self-Talk

One of the reasons self-talk is so influential is that it often goes unnoticed. This happens because:

• Speed: The brain processes information so quickly that it’s easy for self-talk to slip under the radar.

• Automaticity: Many of our thoughts are automatic, triggered by familiar situations or habits and we rarely question them. Habits are notorious for going unnoticed.

• Selective Attention: The brain tends to focus on what it perceives as most important at the moment, allowing many thoughts to go unchecked.

Because much of self-talk happens unconsciously, negative patterns can easily take root and influence our emotions and actions without our awareness.

While some advocate for reframing—replacing a negative thought with a positive one—I believe this can often be too large a leap, especially when dealing with deeply ingrained beliefs.

Instead, I prefer a more gentle, incremental approach: nudging self-talk. This is far easier than taking a big leap into completely reframing poor self-talk.

Nudge Your Self-Talk: A Practical Approach

Nudging your self-talk means making small, manageable shifts in the way you speak to yourself, particularly focusing on modifying extreme language.

For example, absolute words like “always,” “never,” or “every time” can be swapped for softer alternatives like “occasionally,” “sometimes,” or “rarely.”

This is not just about a makeover, using absolutes becomes common place, but it is rare that absolutes are in any way accurate.

For example, “everyone hates me”, “everyone must think I am a fool” – it may be true that one, possibly two people might have this unfair, biased view. It will not be fact that “everyone” has this view regardless of your definition of everyone.

Here are some examples of changing absolutes:

• Before: “I always mess up.”

• After: “Sometimes I make mistakes.”

• Before: “I never get anything right.”

• After: “I occasionally struggle, but I also succeed.”

• Before: “Every time I try, I fail.”

• After: “Sometimes it’s challenging, but I’m learning each time.”

This approach recognises that shifting a deep-seated belief isn't about flipping a switch but rather about gradually softening the intensity of your self-talk, making it more balanced and fair.

Five More Gentle Shifts for Negative Self-Talk

To further help you nudge your self-talk, here are five additional examples of how you can gently modify specific types of negative language:

1. Catastrophic Thinking

o Before: “This is a disaster.”

o After: “This is inconvenient, but it’s manageable.”

2. Self-Blame

o Before: “It’s all my fault.”

o After: “I played a part, but others did too.”

3. All-or-Nothing Thinking

o Before: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”

o After: “I’m doing my best and that’s enough.”

4. Overgeneralisation

o Before: “I never get anything right.”

o After: “I struggle with this, but I do many things well.”

5. Negative Labelling

o Before: “I’m such an idiot.”

o After: “I made a mistake, but I’m learning from it.”

By consistently applying these small shifts, you begin to steer your self-talk in a healthier direction without the pressure of a complete overhaul.

Summary

Self-talk is a powerful force that shapes your emotional and mental landscape. While much of it happens unnoticed, it has a profound impact on your life.

Instead of attempting to fully reframe your thoughts, consider nudging them—making small adjustments that soften the language you use with yourself.

• Self-talk is the internal dialogue running through your mind, influencing your emotions and behaviour.

• Key brain areas involved in self-talk include the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus.

• Self-talk is often unnoticed because of its speed, automatic nature, and selective attention.

• Nudging approach: Rather than fully reframing, gently modify absolute or negative language into more balanced terms.

• Examples of shifts: Change “always” to “sometimes,” “disaster” to “inconvenient,” and “idiot” to “learning from mistakes.”

By gently nudging your self-talk in a better direction, you can create a more supportive and positive mindset that empowers you in all aspects of life.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 more ways I can help you:

1. My book - Nuclear Powered Resilience

2. Self confidence and resilience - £48 training course based on my book

3. Coaching packages - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Other resources

If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques or take a look at my website.

Want to explore what else I do? Including corporate speaking, coaching and workshops, or simply ask me a question or give me feedback on my newsletter - say hello in an email.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.