MSS #083: The Game-Changing Technique for Emotional Wellbeing, so simple its highly effective

MSS #083: The Game-Changing Technique for Emotional Wellbeing, so simple its highly effective

10 Aug, 2024

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This short newsletter presents one of the most powerful techniques for emotional wellbeing.

The simplicity of this technique belies its effectiveness in helping you manage thoughts and reduce emotional discomfort.

This is the technique that stops people in their tracks in my workshops. So stick around.

Understanding our thoughts

When we get a thought, we tend to trust it. Hell, it was our thought, it must be good it came from us.

It’s a very natural thing to trust our thoughts, perfectly sensible and logical, surely?

Yet it’s our thoughts that are often the trigger to discomfort.

Our thoughts have a tendency to transport us off, in our minds, into imaginary pasts or futures which sometimes results in painful emotions.

While positive thoughts can occur, our brains have a negativity bias—a survival mechanism that makes us more responsive to negative experiences and thoughts. Rick Hanson summarises this bias beautifully, see below.

The Velcro and Teflon Concept

Psychologist Rick Hanson describes the brain's negativity bias using the metaphor of Velcro and Teflon.

Negative experiences stick to us like Velcro, while positive ones slide off like Teflon.

This bias helps in survival but can lead to an overwhelming focus on negative thoughts and experiences.

The Brain's Decision-Making Speed

Our brains have a lot to do, general survival stuff (breathing, heart rate etc), lots of daily chores (getting dressed, remembering things) and then we ask it for decisions and a whole lot more. No surprise it loves shortcuts and simplifications.

So much so somewhere between 90 and 95% of what we do is covered by habits, running in our unconscious minds.

In Mo Gawdat's book "Solve for Happy," he identifies seven cognitive distortions that our brains use, which he refers to as "blind spots." These distortions often lead us away from happiness by skewing our perception of reality.

Here are the seven blind spots:

1. Filters: Our brains filter out a lot of information, focusing only on what seems most important, which can lead to missing out on positive aspects of our experiences.

2. Assumptions: We often make assumptions about people and situations without verifying them, leading to misunderstandings.

3. Predictions: Our brains predict outcomes based on past experiences, which can cause unnecessary worry about future events.

4. Memories: Memories are not always accurate; they are reconstructed every time we recall them, often altering the truth.

5. Labels: We use labels to categorise and simplify the world around us, but these can lead to stereotyping and limiting beliefs.

6. Emotions: Our emotions heavily influence our thoughts and actions, sometimes irrationally.

7. Exaggerations: We tend to exaggerate the significance of events, particularly negative ones, which can amplify stress and unhappiness.

Understanding and addressing these blind spots can help us see and experience the world more clearly and increase our overall happiness​​​​​​.

The point I am making is not to be an expert on our brain’s short cuts, but simply this.

We often assume our thoughts are factual, leading us to engage with them as if they represent reality.

So here is the revelation that will help you immensely.

THOUGHTS AREN’T FACTS

I know, it’s a little strange, but think about it, ironically it’s true and is a fact.

Yet its our thoughts that often lead us into thinking that is not pleasant or helpful for us.

Yet, thoughts aren’t facts – and yet we let them have such a big impact on us. NOT anymore.

Mastering the Mind: Simple Techniques

To manage negative thoughts and reduce emotional discomfort, try the following technique:

1. Identify the Source of Discomfort

   • When feeling emotional pain, ask yourself:

"Is it my current reality or a thought causing me this pain?"

This helps distinguish between actual events and mental fabrications.

Even if we are going through a bad time, its seldom our immediate reality, in that moment of conscious thought that is causing our pain. Often its because our brain has skipped off to the past or future.

2. Then Remind Yourself: "Thoughts Aren't Facts"

   • Acknowledge that thoughts are merely mental events, not concrete realities. This simple reminder can break the cycle of negative thinking and bring you back to the present moment.

Because it’s so simple, you will find yourself easily using it.

So from now on, if you find yourself in an unpleasant place in your mind,

1. Acknowledge its your thoughts not your reality causing the pain.

2. Use a mental nudge by saying to yourself “thoughts aren’t facts.”

3. Keep doing this - you will create a new neural pathway that becomes almost automatic and super fast whisking you away from discomfort by recognising its the thought not reality or facts that is the cause of your pain.

Summary

By understanding that "thoughts aren't facts" and applying techniques to manage your thoughts, you can reduce emotional discomfort and improve your mental wellbeing.

Mastering this concept can significantly enhance your emotional health and quality of life.

Keep practicing and reminding yourself that thoughts are not facts, and you will experience greater mental clarity and peace.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 more ways I can help you:

1. My book - Nuclear Powered Resilience

2. Self confidence and resilience - £48 training course based on my book

3. Coaching packages - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Other resources

If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques or take a look at my website.

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.