MSS #071: The Art of Acceptance - Unveiling the Path to Letting Go

MSS #071: The Art of Acceptance - Unveiling the Path to Letting Go.

18 May, 2024

🕒Read time: 3.9 minutes

🚀In a hurry? Jump to “The Acceptance Habit” for a reduced reading time of 2.1 minutes.

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In our shared journey towards mental liberation, we often encounter anchors—emotional and psychological—that seem to tether us to turbulent seas.

Today, we delve deeper into the transformative power of acceptance and how it can guide us to the shores of inner peace.

The Cost of Holding On

Holding on to anchors in our lives can be exhausting.

It saps our energy, drags us down and impacts those around us.

It leaves less room for good things, reducing our capacity for joy and keeping negative thoughts swirling around.

It shows up in our body with poor posture and tension.

Examples of Anchors

What are you holding on to that you need to let go of?

It could be a hurt, an injustice, a forlorn hope, a feeling of loss, a route not taken, a moment of regret, a decision regretted, or a feeling not expressed.

What Acceptance Is and Is Not

Letting go can be difficult, but acceptance is the key.

Acceptance is not about agreeing, wanting it to happen, or resignation to events.

It’s simply acknowledging reality that ‘it is’.

Acceptance means “it is, I may not like it, but it is.”

Now, you can move on and do good stuff!

What not accepting, does to us.

When something is our life has happened and we choose not to accept it.

We expend vast amounts of energy, willing it to be different or not to have been before.

We engage in an endless, futile effort to try and change something that we have no, or little control over.

Imagine a huge boulder of rock falling in the path ahead of you.

You could expend effort doing any of the following,

• Shouting at the rock – how dare it appear like that.

• Trying to move it – using all your physical might and ingenuity.

• Attracting other people to your cause – sharing with them the injustice of this boulder appearing.

• Reliving the event – going over in your head, how the boulder appeared, questioning why you chose that path, or if you had walked faster could you have avoided it?

Any of this familiar? And the energy wasted investing what-if scenarios and trying to change the unchangeable with will, effort and guile.

How acceptance free’s you up

Continuing with the bolder analogy.

When we except the bolder is here, we did not wish it, but its here.

Now we can turn our efforts into how to get around it, should we,

• Decorate it and make it into a feature.

• Turn back and find another path.

• Blow a whole in the middle of it.

• Climb over the top of it.

• Walk around it.

Now we are moving forwards, not looking back.

We have more energy for solutions and ways forward, not wasting energy on wishing it was not there.

OK, so how do we do this is our minds, in a way our minds can manage this for us? Read on and discover.

The Acceptance Habit

Here’s how to create a new habit of acceptance:

1. Trigger:

Identify what triggers your old response—a thought, a sight, a memory, a situation.

Your old response is the emotion you feel when your thoughts turn to whatever up until now you have not accepted.

Notice your habitual response, which includes thoughts, images, and emotions and become familiar with the sensation just before this response kicks in.

2. New Response:

Introduce a new response of acceptance. Each time you trigger this response, the neural pathway gets stronger.

The old response will ‘fade away’ as the new habit of acceptance takes hold. This is to say the new response will have a stronger neural pathway. As the old response gets neglected, in time the neural pathway will get weaker.

Habit Structure to create the new response.

Create a habit structure with

• a nudge word or phrase,

• an associated image,

• and an associated emotion

that represents letting go and acceptance to you.

Why these three elements?

• Words are the language of the rational conscious mind – so have to start at the “front door.”

• Images and emotions are the language of the two older (evolutionary speaking) parts of the brain, where our habits reside in unconscious part of the brain.

Examples:

• Nudge Word: “ACCEPT”

  • Image: A barrier lifting, freeing you to a world of possibilities.

  • Emotion: A feeling of release, freedom, and peace.

• Nudge Word: “STREAM”

  • Image: A leaf gently flowing away on a clear stream.

  • Emotion: Release as the leaf disappears, bringing relief and tranquility.

• Nudge Phrase: “IT’S FINE, ABSOLUTELY FINE”

  • Image: Removing a dam from a stream, allowing the water to flow freely.

  • Emotion: A feeling of release and peace as the water runs unobstructed.

Another option – quotes

If finding a nudge word /phrase and an accompanying image and emotion is evading you for now, you can recite a quote in your head.

Choose a quote that speaks to you, has meaning and significance and attach an image and emotion to this.

Here are some appropriate examples for acceptance you could choose from.

Quotes

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” -Michael J. Fox

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”- Ann Landers

“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” – Eckhart Tolle

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts

“I’m not okay, you’re not okay, and that’s okay.” – William Sloane Coffin

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” – Michael J. Fox

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain”. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In Conclusion

The anchors we carry need not define us.

Through the practice of acceptance, we can learn to let go of what holds us back.

Choose what you need to release, create your acceptance habit, and watch as your new responses transform your life.

Summary

Choose what you need to let go of by accepting it – an event, situation, future fear, past memory etc.

Choose a nudge word / phrase + associated image + associated emotion = letting go to you

Any time you get the trigger the old feeling has started, say your nudge word (phrase), see your image in your minds eye, feel the new positive emotion(s).

Keep doing this until it becomes your new automatic response.

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Happy thinking.