MSS #069: Mind Your Language - The Art of Self-Influence

MSS #069: Mind Your Language - The Art of Self-Influence.

4 May, 2024

🕒Read time: 4.5 minutes

🚀In a hurry? Read chapters “How to succeed” and “Language Frameworks for Wellbeing” only for a reduced reading time of 3.1 minutes.

In this edition of our mind expedition, we’re delving into the power of words and how the language we use can shape our reality and influence those around us.

The words we choose are the architects of our mental landscapes, constructing bridges or walls in our minds and the minds of others.

A subtle change in our language, can have a big impact on ourselves and others.

Noticing and dismantling walls and building more bridges in our minds and with others, has the power to transform lives. Ready?

How to succeed

Our dialogue with ourselves (self-talk) and others can either confine us or liberate us.

Like so much of what we do, it’s habitual.

Most habits go unnoticed and without emotion.

I will share with you, different frameworks to be aware of.

The enthusiastic will get excited by this and try to change a whole bunch of frameworks and one or two will stick. Because the expectation was set to change all of them, some disappointment may set in and then you could be tempted to give up.

Try this ACE approach instead,

Awareness – select one or two frameworks that jump out at you as being relevant to you and a potential source of current discomfort.

Start noticing when you use this type of language, outwardly or in your head with self-talk.

Awareness is key, its like shining a light on what you intend to change, identifying the frequency or having that feeling of familiarity.

Choice – a different response. Use your chosen framework to choose a different response, an alternative language set.

This part is done for you, by simply selecting an example further on in the newsletter.

Embed – now you must embrace this as your new habit and embed it, with simple repetition.

Soon the new language set becomes your new default.

Mental habit changes like this do not take long to form.

Once you have embedded one change in language set, select another one and layer that on.

Then see, feel and hear the difference it makes for you and others (when you change your language with others.)

The Language Frameworks for Wellbeing

Here are ten frameworks to help you choose words that open doors to possibilities and improved wellbeing.

Choose one maybe two that you will start noticing and then start changing language.

Once successfully embedded, maybe choose another one and layer this on top as another powerful habit.

Happy hunting, over to you now.

For each framework I will give you a headline description of the two alternative perspectives.

Then I share some of the typical words and language we use for both the confining and liberating approach to describing ourselves and the world around us.

1. Absolute vs. Possibility

• Confining: “always,” “everyone,” “all the time”

• Liberating: “sometimes,” “some people,” “occasionally”

Watch out for absolutes, that “condemn” everything and everyone. Such statements are seldom true or factual, most things effect a proportion not everything.

Absolute language denies “possibility”. Deny possibility shuts out hope and closes our minds ability for solutions and alternatives down.

2. Closed vs. Open

• Confining: “no,” “never,” “not possible”

• Liberating: “perhaps,” “maybe,” “what if”

This type of language is similar to absolutes in that it shuts possibility down, but it is slightly different.

This type of language closes off potential solutions or a way forward, its like creating a road block so nothing can flow forwards.

3. Negative vs. Positive Projection

• Confining: “It’s hopeless,” “It’s too late,” “It’s useless”

• Liberating: “There’s hope,” “There’s still time,” “It’s worth a try”

This is a simple choice between possibility or no hope. Confining language says what it does, restrains you, holds you back, tied up with no place to go.

Choose to release yourself and others (when talking to others).

4. Judgment vs. Curiosity

• Confining: “That’s wrong,” “That’s a bad idea,” “You can’t do that”

• Liberating: “Tell me more,” “That’s an interesting perspective,” “How can we make this work?”

Our brains love short cuts, quick solutions. Labelling is one of the strategies our brains use to simplify. Make sure that simplification labelling is not constraining you or others.

5. Limitation vs. Growth

• Confining: “I’m not good at this,” “I can’t improve,” “This is my limit”

• Liberating: “I’m learning,” “I’m developing,” “I’m expanding my abilities”

I talk a lot about the Reticular Activating System (RAS) a key part of the brain at the base of the skull. This is our filter. Whatever you “program” it with using pictures, emotion and words it takes as an “instruction” to find more of the same.

So, if your words say you are stuck, your RAS will provide evidence to support you, but noticing only the events that support your argument.

Much better to “program” your RAS to be open to possibility and free to grow.

6. Catastrophizing vs. Contextualizing

• Confining: “This is a disaster,” “Everything is ruined”

• Liberating: “This is a setback,” “This is challenging, but manageable”

Context is important. You choose if you want the walls to close in, or chinks to appear so you can observe and feel a way out.

7. Generalization vs. Specificity

• Confining: “Things never work out,” “Life is always unfair”

• Liberating: “This particular situation didn’t work out,” “Sometimes life feels unfair”

This is similar to the first framework about absolutes, you might prefer this version.

8. Passivity vs. Agency

• Confining: “I have to,” “I must,” “I can’t help it”

• Liberating: “I choose to,” “I prefer,” “I decide”, “I get to”

This is a very powerful language set. When we feel or see ourselves as helpless and confined, life is difficult.

Choice opens up possibility and freedom.

What will you choose?

 In a few weeks I will do a more in depth newsletter on this language set.

9. Scarcity vs. Abundance

• Confining: “There’s not enough,” “I’ll never have what I need”

• Liberating: “There’s plenty to go around,” “I have what I need, and I can find more”

If we think there is a limited amount of anything, it will hold us hostage.

Take an example of customers, if we take the view, all the best customers in our market are taken, it will freeze us, so we do nothing and stand still.

Taking the view, there is abundance, gives us a reason to keep exploring.

This is purely about the prison we create in our minds and is a choice.

10. Finality vs. Evolution

• Confining: “It’s over,” “That’s just the way it is”

• Liberating: “This chapter is closing,” “Things are always evolving”

Hope vs possibility.

Hope is incredibly powerful, ensuring your language nurtures hope is a powerful choice to make.

There is overlap between these frameworks, getting into the semantics of which one you might be using is not the point to this, it’s simply NOTICING those language sets you regularly use in your self-talk or with others that are less helpful.

It might take a bit of practice, but you can CHOOSE what words and language you use regardless of how good or bad you think your life is, it also gives you an element of control.

Also acknowledge any good habits you already have with language sets, you may well have a mixture of language you use.

Additional thoughts – not essential but worth a read

The Impact of Our Words

The frameworks above serve as a guide to mindfully select words that foster growth, hope, and connection.

By shifting from a language of confinement to one of liberation, we not only enhance our mental wellbeing but also become a positive influence on those around us.

Words as Seeds

Consider each word you speak as a seed you plant in the garden of your mind. Negative words can grow into weeds, choking out positivity and growth. Positive words, on the other hand, blossom into flowers, beautifying your inner landscape and attracting like-minded souls.

The Ripple Effect

The language we use creates ripples that extend beyond our own minds.

It influences our relationships, our work environment, and the collective consciousness of our communities.

By choosing words that open pathways rather than close them, we contribute to a more hopeful, collaborative, and innovative world.

The Power of Reframing

Each of these frameworks represents a choice in how we frame our experiences and expectations.

By consciously choosing words from the liberating side of these frameworks, we can reframe our experiences in a way that empowers us and those around us.

Words as Tools

Think of words as tools in your mental toolkit. Just as you would choose the right tool for a job, select the words that will construct the reality you wish to live in and share with others.

The Influence of Language

Our language doesn’t just reflect our thoughts; it shapes them.

By minding our language, we can influence our thought patterns, emotions, and behaviours, leading to a more positive and fulfilling life.

Summary

Review the 10 language sets, choose one you feel the need to work on, that rings true with you and you can see what impact it will have.

Start noticing this language set – Awareness.

Now start changing the language habits you have, for you chosen language set – Choice.

Keep modifying your language so you alter the habitual language you use – Embed.

Have fun with this, let me know how this changes you and those around you.

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. My book - Nuclear Powered Resilience

If you want to either build a high level or resilience or overcome a past trauma that is holding you back - check out my book.

2. Build self confidence and resilience fast - £48 training course

I have developed my book into a course to help you fully implement the benefits of my book.

3. Work with me 121 - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Lets have an open chat and explore how I can help you and what is troubling you.

If we both think we can work together and I have what you need we can go from there.

Want to explore what else I do? including corporate speaking, coaching and workshops - say hello in an email and let’s explore together.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.