MSS #066: Reframe Your Inner Selfie and Ditch the Imposter Label

MSS #066: Reframe Your Inner Selfie and Ditch the Imposter Label.

13 April, 2024

🕒Read time: 5.9 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Cut straight to “Explaining the mismatch” and "Closing the Mismatch Gap" – Reduced read time: 2.6 minutes.

Ever feel like a phony in your own story? Like you've somehow gotten away with something and will be exposed any minute? We've all been there.

This nagging self-doubt is often labelled "imposter syndrome," but I propose a different perspective.

I am not a fan of this term. It makes it sound something sinister, that we should somehow be ashamed of!

Read this newsletter if you want a new insight into what is going on and how to make a step change difference.

Ready?

What is so called Imposter Syndrome?

Three places so called Imposter Syndrome shows up most often, or to put it better when we notice it in ourselves.

1. New roles - we notice this more often when we embark on a new role in life and not just a work role, could be becoming a parent, a partner.

2. Been successful for a while - it can also be more noticeable when someone has been in a role for some time, often apparently successful and we wonder why we are still successful and no one “better” has come along?

3. A wobble – something happens that gets us doubting ourselves. We receive a challenge or setback; perhaps someone we care about says something cutting.

Any of this familiar?

So, what is going on?

Why do we sometimes feel like this?

It’s a very common reaction that the most famous and apparently successful talk about, so you are in good company.

Ultimately, it’s a self-confidence thing, doubting our capability and worth in that given role.

To get more specific it’s a mismatch.

Explaining the mismatch

Let’s dive into this mismatch and tell me at the end if this explains how you see Imposter Syndrome, how it feels and if this rings true.

Inner selfie

We all hold an image in our minds of who we think we are.

A kind of blueprint or identikit of who we perceive ourselves to be. That image is interwoven with emotion.

There could be any number of attributes to this image. I refer to it as an “inner selfie.”

Your inner selfie might contain information such as,

• How clever you think you are.

• Attributes about your health, fitness, shape or weight.

•  How old you think you are (many inner selfies have a fixed age – mine is around 40 years old, at 98 my Nan told me she always saw herself as a 17 year old).

• How you show up i.e. how people might perceive you such as quiet or loud, shy or outgoing etc

• How capable or confident you are.

This inner selfie is held in the part of the mind where the unconscious is. It’s an incredibly powerful part of the brain, that processes information faster than the more rational part of the brain, the conscious mind.

The unconscious also takes things literally, without question. So, whatever image you feed it of who you think you are, it assumes that’s what you want to be like.

This can have a big impact on your motivation and ability to achieve goals.

For example, you may decide to get fit.

You set a goal to start running twice a week.

But if the image in your mind is of an unfit, possibly slightly overweight person.  When you think about running your mind references your inner selfie and does a review something like this,

“I get it that you want to get fit and healthy, but the image you keep giving me is of you not being healthy. So, I am going to keep to the image you gave me, therefore you will not have much enthusiasm for running.”

The unconscious mind is not rational, so it will not compute a mismatch and make a judgement on this, that’s what the conscious mind does.

The unconscious mind is faster than the conscious mind and takes control or priority. The result is no running takes place or a huge effort is required to overcome the reluctance.

If, however, you had an inner selfie of you is as someone fit, the unconscious will offer less resistance, because your stated aim matches with the inner selfie “blueprint” of who you think you are.

The unconscious mind will help you get closer to the inner selfie image you have.

Role expectation

The other part of the mismatch is your expectation of what your role is.

Regardless of the role you consider, being a parent, partner, a manager, a business leader, a sales person. You will have an expectation of what that role should be.

That expectation could be influenced by a whole load of factors.

• People you admire.

• What you have read.

• What people have told you.

• People you observe in that role already.

Either way you will have another image mixed with emotions of what you think your role should look like, sound like and feel like.

Depending on where you set that expectation, will determine how much of a mismatch there is between your inner selfie and this role expectation.

Mind the gap!

Reference points to assess any potential mismatch.

Closing the mismatch gap

You could do some work on both images, inner selfie and role expectations.

Possibly dial back the expectations you have of what you should be and cultivate an inner selfie that is closer to that role expectation.

In my coaching sessions I work on both with clients.

For this newsletter, it’s easier to work on that inner selfie (which is also a great way to change self-confidence).

The closer the match between the inner selfie and role expectation, the less you will feel like an imposter.

Your unconscious mind will then get to work helping you be as close to the inner selfie as possible, by noticing opportunities for you.

You still have the opportunity of developing and growing as a person, that has not been denied, in fact it has been enhanced.

There is no longer a big cognitive dissonance gap between who you think you are and where you think you need to be, so without this conflict your unconscious mind will use all its resources to point out opportunities to be closer to your inner selfie blueprint.

Change your inner selfie – to close the mismatch gap

Let's make your inner selfie a masterpiece! Imagine it painted not just with visual details, but also with the rich hues of your emotions – the language of your unconscious mind.

Blend the mental image of who you want to be, with the emotion of showing up like that. It could be feeling the confidence of a situation, the satisfaction of nailing a presentation, or the joy of helping others.

Here's a Process to Craft Your Inner Selfie:

1. Self-Reflection Journey:

• Find a quiet moment. Make sure you are somewhere safe and will not be disturbed. Breathe deeply and silence the external world.

• Close your eyes and embark on a journey inwards. Imagine yourself in a safe and calming space. It could be a real or imagined place – a favourite beach, a cosy reading nook, or a quiet meadow.

2. Who Are You, Truly?

• Consider the role in your life you want to close the gap on.

• In this safe space, ask yourself a powerful question: "Who am I, truly?" Don't judge the answer. Simply allow your inner selfie to emerge. What emotions does it evoke? What are you wearing? What is the environment like? Are you alone or with others?

3. Digging Deeper:

• To get a more detailed picture, ask yourself supporting questions:

  • What are you doing? Are you leading a team, creating something, solving a problem, or simply enjoying a moment of peace?

  • How does your body feel? Are you energised and confident, or perhaps calm and centered?

  • What are you wearing? Are you dressed for success, comfort, or creativity? Does your clothing reflect your confidence and inner strength?

  • Who are you with, if anyone? Are you surrounded by supportive colleagues, loved ones, or mentors? Or are you enjoying your own company?

  • What is the overall feeling of this inner selfie? Is it one of joy, purpose, accomplishment, or perhaps serenity?

4. Embrace Uniqueness:

• Remember, your inner selfie isn't about airbrushed perfection. We all have quirks, uniqueness’s and talents. Accept yours! Your inner selfie should reflect your authentic self.

• Being truly you, is something no one else can be, so embrace your originality.

5. Change the script:

• Now notice the areas you are not so confident. What little mini movies are in your head? For example, do you see yourself being nervous giving a presentation, perhaps numbers are not your thing and you are concerned with a report that requires this skill.

• Once you become aware of a few things where confidence is low. Imagine this going well or you delegating, or partnering with someone that is naturally good at such things.

• Change the emotions and any words or sounds that accompany this mini movie, to support the image of you being more confident.

• In essence imagine yourself doing a better job.

6. Align with Reality:

• Now, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Compare your inner selfie to your professional role. Where do they overlap? Where do they clash?

• Are there aspects of your inner you that you can integrate more fully into your work life? For example, if your inner selfie craves creativity, can you find ways to be more innovative in your current role?

7. Emotional Realignment:

• Based on this comparison, is there a need to adjust the emotional hues of your inner selfie? If your inner world is filled with self-doubt, can you repaint it with the colours of positivity and resilience?

• Remember, your inner selfie is not set in stone. You can use your newfound awareness to cultivate the emotions and self-belief that will propel you forward.

• Why is emotion important? The “language” of the unconscious mind is images and emotion, combining the two gets the inner selfie embedded where you need it – in the unconscious mind.

The Answer Lies Within

By crafting a clear and empowered inner selfie, you can bridge the gap between your perception and your reality.

Self-doubt is not all bad, making it a little more distance gives a better balance of striving for self-development, rather than being paralysed with too much doubt.

This inner work is a powerful tool for personal growth and professional success.

Please avoid the pressure of now thinking you need a pristine inner self image, festooned with emotion. Anything you do to keep polishing and honing that inner selfie image, to close the gap with your role expectations, will put you in a better place to grow at a comfortable pace.

Need some help with this? Reach out and ask me, at [email protected]

Summary

Imposter syndrome is,

• Normal

• Not a syndrome

• It’s about confidence.

• Is drive by a gap between your inner selfie and your role expectation

Key triggers for this are,

• Taking on a new role

• Being successful in the same role for a while

• An unwelcomed knock to your confidence

Easiest way to close the gap. Iron out the wrinkles in your inner selfie (image + emotion) to its closer to your role expectation. Then your unconscious will support you to make the changes needs, rather than sabotage you by holding you hostage.

Have fun with your inner selfie.

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. My book - Nuclear Powered Resilience

If you want to either build a high level or resilience or overcome a past trauma that is holding you back - check out my book.

2. Build self confidence and resilience fast - £48 training course

I have developed my book into a course to help you fully implement the benefits of my book.

3. Work with me 121 - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Lets have an open chat and explore how I can help you and what is troubling you.

If we both think we can work together and I have what you need we can go from there.

Want to explore what else I do? including corporate speaking, coaching and workshops - say hello in an email and let’s explore together.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.