MSS 044 8 steps to gaining control again.

MSS #044: 8 steps to gaining control again.

MSS #044: How to be in control and stay in control.

11 Nov, 2023

Read time: 2.9 minutes

In a hurry? Just read 8 steps to gaining back control. - reduced read time 0.9 minutes.

There is nothing worse than feeling out of control.

It feels like, somebody else has control over the steering wheel and accelerator in your car, using the car as the metaphor for your life.

When we perceive we are the ones in control, life becomes a lot better and easier to navigate.

Use this very simple eight step process to win back control in your life, knowing you can use this in any situation.

It may seem very simple. It is. That’s why it’s powerful.

Let's crack on and reveal the steps.

Why the need to be in control of any situation. 

In many ways this quote sums up the importance and power of being in control.

Reinhold Niebuhr (18921971)

“𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥, 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳”

Let’s go back to school for a moment, maths classes to be specific. Do you remember Venn diagrams? Most of the time they were not much use, this one is though,

We have a deep sense of wanting to be in control. So much so, we yearn to manage those things that truly are not in our control.

We pour in lots of energy, will power and thought some how hoping we can will some things to change. It’s human nature, it’s normal. It’s a survival instinct thing.

But this has an impact on us.

• We focus too much of our efforts on what is not in our control.

• This causes us to believe we have less control than we think (see newsletter on RAS).

• We start noticing more things we cannot control.

• We can start down a slope of “why bother”, “there is no point”

• This can then lead to us labelling things that are fully or partially in our control as out of control – we use excuses to justify this (another newsletter)

The Venn diagram helps us visualise three possibilities.

1. What is FULLY in our control

2. What is OUT OF OUR CONTROL – which we need to accept and move on from

3. The middle ground of PARTIAL CONTROL

In this middle ground there will be some aspects we can control and others we simply need to adapt to.

Our perception of how much control we have or do not have is,

 A learned behaviour!

We can learn to have a different outlook.

That is where the 8 steps comes in.

Soon this will become a simple habit, giving you back far more control.

Step 5 is probably the most important step.

Want to discover these super simple, but very important 8 steps? Read on then, at your leisure.

8 steps to gaining back control

Here we go, the 8 steps, relating back to the Venn diagram.

1. List your causes of stress, worry, or anxiety or focus on one issue

2. Draw 2 circles that overlap in the middle

a) Label one circle “In Control”

b) and the other “Out of Control”

c) Label the overlap “Partial Control”

3. Place each item (from 1) in either one of the 2 circles or the overlap. 

4. Enjoy what you can control, celebrate it and take positive action. 

5. Let go of what you cannot control, this is where the pain lies.

6. Divide the overlap and separate it into two,

a) Split the overlap items into parts you fully control.

b) and the parts of the issue you cannot control.

7. Now consider how you can adapt.

e.g.

· wear a coat to walk in the rain

· do the task another day

· delegate a task

8. Repeat once a week, notice how you feel now.

You can do this exercise on a piece of paper or, as I prefer to, in your head.

You can use this to evaluate a whole range of issues you are encountering, or examine just one topic, your choice.

Even better.

As troubling thoughts arise,

• Label them in your mind as "out of control“

• Then imagine the associated words, images and emotions of them floating away, letting them free.

𝗪𝗵𝘆 this works?

• Fear resides in our ancient “old” part of our mind

• Language is part of the rational "modern" mind

• Labelling with a name transfers processing from old to “new” mind

• So, you get rational thinking taking control

Control falls to you now.

Summary

8 step quick recap.

1. List your causes of stress, worry, or anxiety or focus on one issue

2. Draw 2 circles that overlap in the middle

a) Label one circle “In Control”

b) and the other “Out of Control”

c) Label the overlap “Partial Control”

3. Place each item (from 1) in either one of the 2 circles or the overlap. 

4. Enjoy what you can control, celebrate it and take positive action. 

5. Let go of what you cannot control, this is where the pain lies.

6. Divide the overlap and separate it into two,

a) Split the overlap items into parts you fully control.

b) and the parts of the issue you cannot control.

7. Now consider how you can adapt.

8. Repeat once a week, notice how you feel now.

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Build self confidence and resilience fast - £48 training course

2. Work with me 121 - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Lets have an open chat and explore how I can help you and what is troubling you.

If we both think we can work together and I have what you need we can go from there.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me to help your team increase their productivity.

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Vitamin C for the mind – how to feel and have more control in life, with simple techniques built into a habit.

Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.