MSS #031 Four ways to transform your happiness with habits.

MSS #031: Four ways to change your happiness with habits.

MSS #031: Four ways to transform your happiness with habits.

12 Aug, 2023

Read time: 5.5 minutes

In a hurry? Cut straight to the How to get the habit to do this. chapter and skip the summary - reduced read time 1.6 minutes.

The ancient part of our brain is primed for survival, so we notice “threats” much quicker than anything positive. From a survival perspective, happy, pleasant things are of little value – so we let them pass by easily. 

Because of our built-in negative bias, we need habits to help us focus on the nice things in life.

Spending more time thinking about happy things and where we want to be, from a goal perspective, is a good use of our thinking time. We also notice more of what we think about, so there is a cumulative effect from what we focus on.

If you’re ready, let me share how you can enjoy life more and spend more time and thoughts targeting pleasant things and your goals.

Where are you, most of the time?

In an average week, consider how much time you spend thinking about some or all the following,

· Over thinking things.

· Things that cause you stress.

· Worrying about future events.

· Reliving unpleasant past situations.

· Concerned what others may think of you.

· Being “busy” with distractions to avoid people or tasks.

Now imagine life where you effortlessly transform your happiness in just 20 minutes a day.

Say hello to a brighter future and unleash your fullest potential!

See what happens when you do this.

If you are thinking wow 20 minutes, I haven’t got time for that. Consider how much time is spent in unhealthy thinking or simple avoidance scrolling on social media or watching Netflix. 20 minutes is a small but powerful investment of time, start off with 30 seconds and trust me you will naturally build up to 20 minutes.

4 new habits

We need create habits to enjoy pleasant things in life regularly, so it becomes automatic and overrides our negative bias.

Technique outline,

Do this every day, spend…

5 minutes thinking about people you love.

5 minutes reflecting on progress made today (this week).

5 minutes thinking about happy memories.

5 minutes focussed on your dream.

The only thing stopping you invest in this for 20 minutes each day is YOU, nothing else.

📌𝘞𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺.

📌𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Why do this? Two big reasons. It’s a form of gratitude and focus.

Thinking about people you love, happy memories build gratitude, so also does reviewing progress made.

If you might be thinking, all sounds good, but I have not got time for these. Or you feel it will not make any difference. Science is backing up the evidence for benefits of gratitude.

Need some convincing?

Benefits of gratitude

· Enhances empathy and compassion towards others.

· Improves overall happiness and life satisfaction.

· Improves physical health and immune function.

· Fosters a sense of fulfilment and purpose in life.

· Enhances relationships and social connections.

· Promotes positive emotions and optimism.

· Enhances resilience and mental toughness.

· Increases self-esteem and self-worth.

· Reduces symptoms of depression.

· Reduces stress and anxiety levels.

Why gratitude helps,

· Enhances connectivity between the prefrontal cortex and other brain regions - improving emotional regulation and decision-making abilities.

· Increases size and activity of the hippocampus - associated with memory and learning, leading to improved cognitive function.

· Balances the autonomic nervous system - shifting the body into a relaxed state and reducing the stress response.

· Stimulates dopamine and serotonin release - neurotransmitters promoting feelings of joy and well-being.

· Increases activity prefrontal cortex activity - associated with positive emotions and decision making.

· Boosts anterior cingulate cortex activity - responsible for regulating emotions and empathy.

· Boosts production of oxytocin - promoting feelings of trust and bonding with others.

· Reduces amygdala activity - decreasing fear and stress responses.

· Activates the reward circuitry in the brain - reinforcing positive behaviours and promoting a sense of satisfaction.

Thinking about progress made so far, keeps you on track with your goals and helps motivate you to do more. Noticing progress also strengthens self-confidence and resilience and put things into perspective. It reduces the chances and impact of you beating yourself up with unkind self-talk.

Spending time thinking about your goal keeps you focussed. In earlier newsletters I showed how your brain brings you more of what you think about and how it supports you to achieve what you place your attention on.

It’s important to look forward and effectively give your mind a “Sat Nav” direction to aim for.

How to get the habit to do this.

I will show you how to build the habit to spend time,

· thinking about people you love.

· reflecting on progress made today (this week).

· thinking about happy memories.

· focussed on your dream.

It important to establish the habit first, spending a small amount of time to begin with.

Make it super easy for yourself focusing on just one of the four areas at the beginning. Then increase the time you spend on each topic, adding more topics till you get to 4 x 5mins in total.

Of course, you can spend more time of this is you like or more than once a day, the choice is yours.

Really important to,

• Establish the daily routine first.

• Start habit with just 30 seconds.

• With one area of focus – people you love.

• Build to 5 mins over time.

• Then add another layer - progress made.

• Practice progress made for 30 secs then build.

• Build to 5 mins over time.

• Now you have two areas of focus – 5 mins each.

• Keep repeating layering till your get to.

5 minutes thinking about people you love.

5 minutes reflecting on progress made today (this week).

5 minutes thinking about happy memories.

5 minutes focussed on your dream.

Habit details

Here’s how to crate the habit in more detail.

Trigger – pick an event that always happens at least once a day, such as,

· Brushing your teeth.

· Getting dressed / undressed.

· First time you sit down at home or in the office.

· When you lock or unlock a house, car or office door.

· When you have your first or last drink of the day.

· Just before you go to sleep.

You choose. This will be your trigger to do this habit. Using an existing established habit is far more effective that choosing a time of day to practice the habit.

Now take what I call the “leading edge”. Take the trigger and then consider the specific moment you will enact this new habit e.g.

· Getting dressed – the moment you put the last piece of clothing on.

· First time you sit down – the moment you notice you bum touching the chair seat.

· When you lock your house door – the minute the key comes out of the lock.

Make sure you are somewhere safe when you practice this habit, as you will go into a daydream state. Clearly you need to be in a safe space, where you will not be disturbed and you are safe and do not need to concentrate on anything.

Obviously never do this when operating equipment and driving something.

I covered earlier how to build up to four lots of 5 minutes, repeated below. if you like a bit more detail this is for you. If you like summaries, you already have what you need.

Detailed of how to build up to 4 x 5 mins (if required)

🧘 𝗚et relaxed.

⏰ Spend < 30 seconds thinking about who you love to start with.

⏰ 30 seconds everyday, for say 7 days.

😔 Gradually increase the time you spend to approximately 5 minutes.

🛣️ Add another topic after a while, like progress made.

Keep building up the time spent on each topic and the topics till you get to 4.

It probably looks something like this.

Find a safe place, where you are not disturbed.

Use the trigger as a reminder to practice the habit.

🧘 𝗚et relaxed

Start with people you love.

⏰ 30 seconds every day, for say 7 days.

😔 Gradually increase the time you spend to approximately 5 minutes.

🛣️ Add another topic after a while, like progress made.

⏰

1. Start with people you love – 5 mins.

2. Now reflect on progress made either today or this week 30 seconds to start.

⏰ 5 minutes on people you love + progress made.

30 seconds every day, for say 7 days reflect on happy memories.

😔 Gradually increase the time you spend to approximately 5 minutes.

🛣️ Add another topic = happy memories.

🧘 𝗚et relaxed.

⏰

1. Start people you love – 5 mins.

2. Progress reflection – 5 mins.

3. Now reflect on happy memories for 30 seconds to start.

⏰ 5 minutes people you love + progress + happy memories for 30 seconds everyday, for say 7 days reflect on progress made.

😔 Gradually increase the time you spend to approximately 5 minutes.

🛣️ Add another topic = your dreams / aspirations.

🧘 𝗚et relaxed

⏰

1. Start people you love – 5 mins.

2. Progress reflection – 5 mins.

3. Reflect on happy memories – 5 mins.

4. Now reflect on your dreams and aspirations for 30 seconds to start.

⏰ 5 minutes people you love + progress + happy memories + your dreams and aspirations for 30 seconds every day, for say 7 days reflect on progress made.

😔 Gradually increase the time you spend to approximately 5 minutes.

🧘 𝗚et relaxed.

⏰

1. Start people you love – 5 mins.

2. Progress reflection – 5 mins.

3. Reflect on happy memories – 5 mins.

4. Now reflect on your dreams and aspirations – 5mins.

You may find yourself spending more time doing this, entirely your choice.

Summary

Quick recap.

What’s included,

• Why we default to negativity and busyness.

• 20-minute technique outline.

• Benefits of gratitude.

• Process explained.

• How to build the habit.

1. Our default is to notice negativity and be busy

2. Create the habit of focusing on 4 areas of gratitude and future focus

3. Build the habit, layer by layer

4. Keep doing this and witness the benefits

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Build self confidence and resilience fast - £48 training course

2. Work with me 121 - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Lets have an open chat and explore how I can help you and what is troubling you.

If we both think we can work together and I have what you need we can go from there.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me to help your team increase their productivity.

Nuclear Powered Resilience – learn one golden habit that gives incredible inner strength, comfort and support, that keeps growing by instilling Unconditional Love in your mind.

7 guiding principles to better thinking – what trips up our thinking and how to create different habitual responses.

What they should have taught you at school – awareness of how we think and how to get better results.

Vitamin C for the mind – how to feel and have more control in life, with simple techniques built into a habit.

Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.