MSS# 028 Choosing our response - use my FOCUS model.

MSS #028: Choosing our response - use my FOCUS model.

MSS #028: How to use my FOCUS model.

22 July, 2023

Read time: 3.5 minutes

In a hurry? Cut straight to the Focus model chapter and skip the summary - reduced read time 2.4 minutes. 

Last week I shared the importance of choosing our response to situations, which with practice we always have control of.

Not only does this gives us an element of control in difficult situations, it helps influence the outcome.

I shared the learning from Viktor Frankl and Jack Canfield, with Jack’s equation,

O = E + R

E is an event that takes place in your life, such as being in a car accident and the driver of the other vehicle gets aggressive with you.

O represents the outcome of that event, for example joy or frustration, learning or misery, anger or forgiveness.

R is the response you have to that event. The idea is we may not have control over the event, but we can choose our response to that event. Our response will change and influence the outcome. In fact, we have far more control than we think on the outcome of an event or situation.

This week we will go further, as I share my framework FOCUS, that gives you even more control and an easy way to evaluate your world differently.

Wider view

With any situation in life, there can be a lot to process in our minds to help us create a different response. In the early stages simple being aware of our current response and pausing to notice this is a great achievement.

The are other factors at place with how we evaluate any given situation. My FOCUS model covers these others factors giving you a more robust model for those issues that are more stubborn.

Here is a different way of evaluating a situation and how to practice your choice.

FOCUS model.

For reoccurring occasions when you find it more difficult to pause, consider and then respond, I developed a simple technique to give some structure to re-evaluating and deciding how to respond to a situation next time, by doing this valuation prior to the next time it happens.

I call it FOCUS.

Let’s go thought it together.

Facts.

Rather than let your mind jump to assumptions using its many mechanisms to make decision making faster, pause and consider what are the facts of the situation.

Facts strip away the untruths and get you back to the reality of a situation. Search for and identify the true facts of a situation.

Why is this important?

Our unconscious minds respond the same way to real or imagined events, scenarios or situations. Think about why your heart races when watching a film about someone in danger, you now it is not real and it is not you being chased. But physically you get a response similar to being chased. Simply because your unconscious mind cannot distinguish between real and imagine events.

To simplify our lives, our minds speed up decision making and improve response times to situations, with short cuts and assumptions, based on learning from past events.

All too often we get emotional about events that are either not real or not happening to us right now, we might be worrying about something that might happen or has happened in the past but is not happening right here and now. Those emotions are often based on assumptions about situations past and anticipated and not necessarily about the facts.

We can strip away these distortions by asking ourselves what are the true facts of a situation or event that we are having a troubling response to.

Opportunities

Rather than getting caught up in adding meaning to a situation that might not be helpful, instead guide your mind to search for at least one opportunity that will arise from the situation you are observing, or are in. This will change your perspective of the situation.

Opportunities might be,

• Something you will learn as a result.

• A new direction this might take you with new options.

• New people you might meet.

• Ask yourself “what opportunity does this recurring situation present?”

Choices

Then start considering the different options and choices that are available.

One way to get a different perspective is to imagine you are an independent observer of the situation or event and as an observer. What choices do you see, feel or hear?

If you imagine you are an impartial observer, you start noticing more choices and options because you are looking at the situation from a completely different perspective. Consider the obvious choices as well as the more extreme and slightly wacky choices, it will open your mind up.

If we start training ourselves to look for choices, we will start noticing more choices, by giving the part of our brain that filters what we want information on, our Reticular Activating System, clear instructions to look for more options or choices.

Undeniable truths

Go back to your mental or written lists of facts, from the first part of this technique. Re-examine this list, particularly the aspects that trouble you and challenge what are the undeniable truths.

Strip away opinion, conjecture, experience, assumptions, judgements and so forth and get back to the fundamental truths. These must be facts you can verify independently.

Steps forward

This step is particularly useful when feeling stuck.

Just simply ask

“what one thing can I do, that will move me forward?”

Keep it that simple, just one thing. All you are looking to achieve is some level of progress. Once you engage your mind in this direction, you often find similar thoughts start clustering and you end up with more than one idea.

This technique is most useful when evaluating a recurring situation that you want to change your response to.

Keep following me on LinkedIn and you will notice I cover all of aspects of FOCUS in different posts. In a short newsletter it is difficult to cover this topic comprehensively. Having this framework thought will give you a great tool to manage your response differently going forwards.

Summary

Quick recap.

• We can always choose our response to a situation or event.

• Start noticing your learnt response to situations you would like to respond differently to.

• Get into the habit of pausing before responding.

• If you need a more comprehensive system for responding differently use my FOCUS model.

Facts

Opportunities

Choices

Undeniable truths

Step forward

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Build self confidence and resilience fast - £48 training course

2. Work with me 121 - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Lets have an open chat and explore how I can help you and what is troubling you.

If we both think we can work together and I have what you need we can go from there.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me to help your team increase their productivity.

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Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Happy thinking.