MSS #014:Finding a moment of calm

MSS #014: How to pause from overwhelm and recharge your mind.

Read time: 6.3 minutes.

In a hurry? Skip the detail read from heading Here we go…the skill to give you a moments piece read time 2.8 minutes

This one is for moments when you feel overwhelmed and your mind is taking and keeping you seemingly trapped, in very unpleasant thoughts. Often the same thoughts terrorising you, over and over again.

Uncover two simple techniques, that quickly restore mental balance and get you out of the theatre of drama in your head, back to a moment of reality, calmness and reassurance.

Disclaimer: Mindfulness works, it’s a great tool, but it’s not for me, yet. That’s why I need alternatives that I can relate to, this is one of them. I find I need something very tangible that I can do instantly, to calm my mind – this is it.

Let’s get into it now, no time to waste.

What’s happening

Just want to set the scene, as to when this skill might be useful.

There are many occasions when we need a mental pause. The reality is we spend a lot of time in our heads, thinking stuff through, creating scenarios, dreaming or worrying about all kinds of things.

Sometimes this goes to extremes with feelings of overwhelm, stress, anxiety, catastrophising (when we go into a thought of doom and gloom spiral of descent).

Even when we are having a great day, productive and enjoyable, we need to take time out of our heads and current thoughts to recharge.

How many times have you carried on regardless, trying to solve an issue when you finally give in and take a break, then the answer presents itself effortlessly – most often quite an obvious answer. Why? Because you were too stubborn (determined!) pause. Ooops! I was talking about me, perhaps you can relate though? (Disclaimer - that was me in the past – I prefer determined to stubborn, sounds much better!).

When is this skill useful?

There are two times you want to use this skill,

1. Proactively

AND

2. Reactively

Proactively

Some might say taking regular mental breaks is a good idea – I think it is essential, if you want optimal performance and to be happier in life.

Choose at least two times a day, preferably four that you will take 5 minutes tops of your time, for a mental time out. Suggested 4 times are,

1. Early in the day – choose a suitable part of your routine

2. Mid-morning

3. Mid-afternoon

4. At the end of your working day – use this as a transition from work time to home time

If you work shifts, adapt accordingly.

Tips for creating a new habit like this.

• Make it easy to get started

  • Start by only spending 30 seconds using this skill, then after a few days go for 45 seconds, gradually building up to 5 minutes or so

• Choose specific events not times of the day

  • Putting a time in the diary when you will practice this skill works for many, but often gets overridden

  • Better to choose an event or activity that always happens, everyday at a similar time i.e. when you take a drink break, when you go to the toilet, when you wash your hands, when you put a key into a door, when you start the engine of your car, when you get on the train – find suitable natural triggers

• Find a specific moment in the event you have chosen above

  • Let’s say your afternoon trigger is when you get in your car to drive home. You could use any of these specific moments as your trigger.

    • The moment by bum hits the car seat

    • The moment my hand touches the car door handle to either close or open the door

    • On my walk to the car before driving home

• Be absolutely clear what you will do and when, then write it down ie

  • When my hand touches my cup, to have my morning drink, I will practice this skill for 2 minutes

  • When I shut my office door, as my hand comes off the handle, I will practice this skill for 30 seconds

Reactively

This is obvious I guess, use this skill in those moments when you feel stuck, overwhelmed or generally suffering. If it is so obvious, why do many of us not take time out? It goes back to my earlier comment about persevering and trying to crack on with something. We do not want to maybe give in or feel we cannot cope, so we carry on regardless.

Strength comes from being honest and being kinder to ourselves, to take 5 minutes out, to refresh and reboot.

If you are one of those that tries to “soldier on”, have a word with yourself. When you take a flight, the safety warning is quite clear – put your oxygen mask on first before helping others!

This is very much a mindset thing. What mindset are you going to adopt to make sure you take mental time out when you need it?

Mindset

If you need to convince yourself to stop and take 5 minutes out using this skill, choose one the reasons below and adopt it as your mantra / mindset or create one for yourself.

• Looking after myself is looking after my team and family

• Rewarding my hard work, with a simple quick break is a celebration of my efforts

• If I do not look after myself, I am denying my team the best of me

• I know by refreshing myself my productivity and creativity will increase

Trigger

Start noticing the trigger for you to use this skill reactively, become more aware of your cue to act? Here are some ideas to help.

• A specific situation you regularly find yourself in – i.e. a tough regular meeting

• Being in the presence of a person that rubs you up the wrong way

• A specific feeling you have that tells you are about to or are experiencing stress, fear, overwhelm etc

• Thoughts you often have that normally lead to unpleasant feelings

Becoming more aware, you will notice the signs now and be able to call time, to use the skill I will teach you in a minute.

Here we go…the skill to give you a moment of piece

^{IMPORTANT: Only use this skill if it is safe to do so. By using this skill, you will become fully present and be observing things, so DO NOT use while driving, flying etc. DO NOT USE if you are undertaking any task you need to be fully in control.}

The best place to do this is outside near in nature, or if you are able to observe nature from indoors. I do not mean you have to be in the middle of a forest, great if you can. One place I worked I simply stepped out of the office for a 5-minute walk, there happened to be a few trees and birds, even though I was close to a motorway.

A few reasons for being outside near nature if you can,

• Its proven and more widely recognised now, if you connect frequently with nature, it helps your wellbeing

• Being near nature presents lots of opportunities for this technique

• Getting away from your place of operation gives a natural break

Being outside near nature is not essential, it just makes it an even better experience.

The Skill explained - 5,4,3,2,1 VAKOG

VAKOG summarises the five senses, the idea is to make a conscious observation of what you notice with each of your senses, noticing 5 things for the first sense, then 4 observations for the next sense and so forth.

 5 observations – Visual (sight)

 4 observations – Audio (hearing)

 3 observations – Kinaesthetic (touch)

 2 observations – Olfactory (smell)

 1 observation – Gustatory (taste)

This skill, gets you out of your head and into conscious acknowledgement of the here and now, gives you a break from whatever is going on in your head and a task to focus on.

Here we go then……..

First notice 5 things you can see, note them in your mind, look at them and list them slowly.

Then be aware of 4 things you can hear, for example a clock ticking, someone talking, the television and cup banging on a plate. By noticing, you are changing your attention to now, the present moment.

Then work your way through noticing 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell and 1 you can taste.

It is really simple, but effective.

Here is an example of one I did some time ago,

 Visual (5) 

1. I noticed an exceptionally tall tree bending in the wind

2. I noticed the colour of the leaves changing (it was autumn / fall when I did this)

3. I saw a bird flying from one tree to another

4. I noticed a strange wet pattern on the garden fence from the rain

5. I noticed a squirrel running along a garden fence

 Audio (4)

1. I could hear chain saws in the distance (a team trimming branches)

2. I could hear the fridge freezer making a gentle humming sound

3. I could hear me drinking my coffee

4. I could hear my heart beating

 Kinaesthetic (3)

1. I noticed my feet touching the hard kitchen floor

2. I noticed the warmth from my hand on my coffee cup

3. I noticed the pressure on my backside leaning against the kitchen top

 Olfactory (2)

1. I can smell the coffee in my cup

2. I can smell the scent from my deodorant

 Gustatory (1)

1. I notice the taste of my coffee

If the mnemonic for the 5 senses does not work for you, try this one.

 Visual (V), Audio (A), Sense (S), Smell (S), Taste (T)

Spells out VASST a bit like the word VAST.

Even better if……….

If you want to get more from this skill try this.

Notice for longer - sometimes I do this really quickly, at first this is a good way to start, then in time I spend longer noticing the sense. Really go into some detail. For example, you notice the colour of a leaf, what does that colour remind you of? Stop to really enjoy the colour and watch it move in the wind.

What’s not there – if I am struggling to see or hear something, I consider what I cannot hear! Sounds strange I know. Say in the distance I can see a car moving but I cannot hear it, I consider the sound I cannot hear from the car. If I am looking at a tree, I consider what I might be missing ie I cannot see a bird in the tree or perhaps a squirrel. This gives you more scope, is kind of fun (well I think so!) and gets you more engaged with your conscious mind, rather than rapped up in thoughts. The whole point of this exercise.

So what?

Quick recap.

• Time out of the melodrama in our heads is essential

• Time out just to let ours minds rest is also essential

• Use this skill either

  • Proactively AND / OR

  • Reactively

• When proactive, have clear events to trigger the habit, find the specific moment in those events

• Mindset counts – put your oxygen mask on first is the thinking here

• Any session is good, 4 a day is brilliant (start, end of day, mid-morning and afternoon)

• Start simple and work up – 30 seconds once a day is a start, then build on this

• VAKOG – 54321 or VASST – 54321 if you prefer

• Even better

  • Spend longer noticing

  • Notice what is not there, as well as what is there!

Want more? When you're ready, 3 ways I can help you:

1. Digital course - If you want to build amazing self confidence, I'd recommend starting with an affordable course:

→ Nuclear Powered Resilience: will teach you a single golden habit, to give you an incredible inner strength and self confidence,

2. Work with me 121 - I can coach you to be implement any of the techniques I share, support you implementing any of training courses or be your business and mind coach helping you better manage those distracting thoughts that often get in our way.

3. Workshops and Speaking - I run workshops and speak. Book me if you choose, to help your team increase their productivity.

Nuclear Powered Resilience – learn one golden habit that gives incredible inner strength, comfort and support, that keeps growing by instilling Unconditional Love in your mind.

7 guiding principles to better thinking – what trips up our thinking and how to create different habitual responses.

What they should have taught you at school – awareness of how we think and how to get better results.

Vitamin C for the mind – how to feel and have more control in life, with simple techniques built into a habit.

Happy habits – simple habits to make you feel happier everyday.

Send your enquiry to [email protected].

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

See you next week. If you haven't already, follow me on LinkedIn and hit the bell for daily posts on tips, insights and techniques.

Happy thinking.

15 April, 2023