MSS #0148: How Gentle Touch Can Quiet Anxiety and Restore Calm

MSS #0148: How Gentle Touch Can Quiet Anxiety and Restore Calm

8 Nov, 2025

🕒Read time: 3.4 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Jump to “Try Havening in 3 Easy Steps” for a reduced reading time of 1.3 minutes.

Stress can hijack you in seconds.
A harsh email lands.
A sharp tone lingers.
A memory pops up uninvited.

What if you could nudge your system back to calm just as quickly?
This issue shows you a simple, science-backed way to do that with gentle touch.
It’s called Havening.

What Is Havening

Havening uses gentle self-touch with light mental focus to soothe the stress response.

It was developed by Dr Ronald Ruden and Dr Steven Ruden as a psychosensory approach.
That means using touch as a pathway to influence how the brain processes stress and memory.

Why This Feels Instinctive

You already know parts of this in your bones.
Think of two everyday moments.

Parent to child
A parent stroking a distressed child’s arm or face.
That soft, rhythmic touch is not only comforting emotionally.

Studies show gentle social touch can lower arousal in infants and even reduce heart rate.

Which is one reason caring touch so often settles little bodies fast.

Stubbed toe
You bang your toe and rub it without thinking.

That instinct taps a well-known pain mechanism called gate control.

Non-painful touch signals can dampen pain signals as they travel to the brain so the sensation eases.

The Science In Plain English

Slow, pleasant touch activates specialised nerve pathways linked to calming and social connection.

Researchers call these affective touch pathways and they are tuned to gentle stroking on bare skin.

This kind of touch is associated with reduced arousal and a “safer” body state.

Havening also proposes that soothing touch helps shift brain activity toward slower rhythms linked with relaxation.

This is discussed in the Havening literature and early applications although the evidence base is still growing.

When To Use Havening

Use it to soften spikes of stress and to steady yourself before or after tough moments.

• Before a high-stakes call or meeting

• After a conflict or sharp comment

• When an old memory gets loud

• As a two-minute daily reset like brushing mental teeth

It doesn’t erase problems.
It helps your nervous system come back online so you can respond clearly.

Try Havening in 3 Easy Steps

You need only your hands and a couple of minutes.

1. Choose a Havening touch

• Stroke down your arms from shoulder to elbow

• Rub your palms together slowly

• Gently stroke your face
  

  Skin-to-skin usually works best because it activates more calming touch fibres, but through clothing can still help.

2. Add light focus or gentle distraction
While stroking, keep your mind lightly occupied.

Count backwards from twenty.
Hum a tune you like.

Or picture a simple calming scene like walking on a beach.

3. Continue for a few minutes
2–3 minutes is often enough for everyday stress.

For stronger emotions, try 5–10 minutes.

Notice your breath deepen and the stress thought lose its edge.

Why It Helps

Two mechanisms are doing the heavy lifting here.

First, soothing touch engages affective touch pathways that support calm and connection.

Your body reads the signal as “safer”.

Second, if pain or discomfort is part of the picture, non-painful touch can reduce pain’s volume via gate control.

It’s the same principle as rubbing a sore spot to ease the sting.

Make It Part of Your Day

A little structure makes Havening easier to use when you actually need it.

• Practise when calm so it’s familiar when stress spikes

• Anchor it to a moment you already do
  “After I close my laptop I will do one minute of Havening”

• Keep it light and switch to a different touch if one feels odd

• Celebrate with a small “well done” or a quiet smile to reinforce the habit

What To Expect

Most people notice a small but real shift within one to three minutes.

A softer chest.
A longer exhale.
A little more room around the problem.

If your stress is intense or linked to trauma, consider working with a trained professional.

They can guide you safely and tailor the approach to you.

Summary

Gentle touch can be used as a fast, effective way to settle the body and clear the mind.

It builds on instincts you already have like rubbing a sore spot or soothing a child with a slow stroke.

• Developed by the Ruden brothers as a psychosensory technique to ease stress

• Gentle skin-to-skin touch supports a calmer state in children and adults

• Rubbing to ease pain aligns with gate control theory of pain modulation

• Use three steps anytime: choose a touch, add light focus, continue for a minute or two

• Practise when calm, anchor it to a daily cue, and keep it light so you’ll use it when it matters

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.

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