MSS #0141: Are You Lifting Yourself Up or Dragging Yourself Down? – A Jar, A Habit, A Mind Shift

MSS #0141: Are You Lifting Yourself Up or Dragging Yourself Down? – A Jar, A Habit, A Mind Shift

20 Sept, 2025

🕒Read time: 2.3 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Jump to “The Lift & Sink Jar Technique” for a reduced reading time of 1.3 minutes.

The stories you tell yourself shape the direction of your thoughts, actions and beliefs.

Most of the time, you don’t even realise they’re running in the background.

This week’s newsletter invites you to do something radical:
Actually see the invisible self-talk that either lifts you or quietly sinks you.

You’ll walk away with:

• Tools to catch, change and rewire your self-talk

• A practical jar method to visualise your inner dialogue

• A technique to help kids build self-awareness early on

Your Inner Storyline: Helpful or Harmful?

Whether you realise it or not, you're telling yourself stories all day long.

Often, those stories are subtle, half-whispered thoughts like:

• “That was stupid, why did I do that?”

• “I always mess this up.”

• “I’m not good at this.”

• “This is tough, but I’ve handled worse.”

Each one either strengthens your belief in yourself or slowly erodes it.

🧠 Here’s the bigger issue: Your brain believes what it hears repeatedly, especially when it comes from you.

The more often you say something, the more familiar it becomes and your Reticular Activating System (RAS) starts filtering the world through that lens.

So, if your mental story is, “I’m bad with people,” your brain starts collecting proof of that, quietly ignoring the moments you connected well.

Which means...

You are not only the storyteller — you’re also the story editor.

🫙 The Lift & Sink Jar Technique

Want a way to see the tone of your self-talk and begin changing it?
Here’s one way how:

1. Get two clear jars. Label one “Lift” and the other “Sink.”

2. Notice your self-talk. Whenever you catch yourself thinking something, jot it down on a scrap of paper.

3. Sort it. Drop it into the jar it belongs in:

o Uplifting, encouraging, kind → Lift

o Critical, dismissive, limiting → Sink

4. End-of-week ritual:

o Count how many notes are in each jar.

o Pick one note from your Sink jar.

o Flip the script: Rewrite it into an empowering version (see below).

o Read that new statement out loud once a day for the next week.

o Keep adding notes, one week at a time.

📌 Example Flip
Sink: “I always mess up under pressure.”
Lift: “I’ve handled pressure before and I’m learning to do it better every time.”

What I just shared is the classic way of rewriting the self-talk, but that’s a bit radical. Why?

Because it’s a big shift from ‘always mess up’ to ‘I’m learning to do better’.

Try this instead. Change one word! ‘Always’ to ‘Occasionally’.

This is far closer to the truth and is a more believable shift for your mind to accept.

Even better – replay in your mind the last few times you performed well under pressure.

This helps ‘feed’ your Reticular Activating System to filter more accurately.

After a while you can progress that self-talk to “I’ve handled pressure before and I’m learning to do it better every time.”

Think in small shifts in self-talk, not big leaps. You are more likely to believe it and practice the new habit.

This method builds momentum. Don’t rush it.

Once one new story feels natural, flip another.

Keep changing your-self talk one story at a time.

💡 Practical Techniques to Notice More Self-Talk

Want to catch more inner chatter? Try these:

🔹 Use a Trigger Phrase

Every time you feel a wave of emotion (stress, excitement, doubt), ask:

“What did I just say to myself?”
This pause pulls hidden thoughts into awareness.

🔹 Daily Debrief

Take 3–5 minutes at the end of the day to recall:

• One negative thing you said to yourself

• One positive or kind thought you had
  Write them both down. This builds self-awareness over time.

🔹 Name Your Inner Voice

Give your self-critical voice a name (e.g., “Doubtful Damien” or “Negative Nina”).

When it speaks up, respond with curiosity:
“Thanks, Damien — I know you're trying to help, but I’ve got this.”
This playful distance helps take the sting out of harsh self-talk.

👧 Teach It to Children (or the Inner Child in You)

Children absorb self-talk patterns early — mostly from adults.
The Lift & Sink Jar is a powerful visual tool to help them externalise their thoughts.

Adapt it by using:

• Colourful post-it notes

• Simple prompts like “Was this kind or unkind to me?”

• Weekly jar review with supportive conversation

Summary

Self-talk is one of the most consistent companions you’ll ever have.
Train it well, and it becomes a loyal ally.
Ignore it, and it might quietly drag you down.

The Lift & Sink Jar method offers a clear, actionable way to see your stories in action and change them — one thought at a time.

Quick Recap:

• You narrate your life through constant self-talk, often unconsciously.

• Label your thoughts with the Lift & Sink Jar to make them visible.

• Flip one draining thought each week and embed a new belief.

• Use trigger phrases to catch your thoughts in the moment.

• Teach this tool to children or use it to reconnect with your own inner child.

Let me know what your jars look like by Friday.

And remember: You are always just one thought away from lifting yourself up.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

Want more? 

When you're ready, 3 more ways I can help you:

1. My book - Nuclear Powered Resilience

2. Self confidence and resilience - £48 training course based on my book

3. Coaching packages - start with a FREE 15 minutes exploration session.

Other resources

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.