MSS #0140: Beyond ‘I’m Fine’ – Better Answers That Change Everything

MSS #0140: Beyond ‘I’m Fine’ – Better Answers That Change Everything

13 Sept, 2025

🕒Read time: 3.2 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Skip to “Try This Instead of ‘I’m Fine’” for a reduced reading time of 1.3 minutes.

“How are you?”

Possibly the most asked question in any day – and possibly the least useful.

Not because it’s the wrong question, but because the answer – “I’m fine” – usually means nothing. Or worse, hides something that needs saying.

This week we explore how you can answer that question better. And why it matters more than you think.

The Habit of ‘Fine’

Most people say “I’m fine” automatically. Not because they are, but because:

• They don’t want to open the floodgates

• They don’t want to make it awkward

• They think no one really wants the truth

• They haven’t stopped long enough to know how they actually feel

“I’m fine” is often just emotional shorthand for “Let’s move on” or “Please don’t ask me to check in with myself right now.”

But here’s the issue.
If you keep saying you’re fine – when you’re not – it gets harder and harder to access what’s real.

Why a Better Answer Matters

You don’t owe anyone your emotional autobiography. But offering something more honest – even slightly – creates:

• Connection

• Clarity

• Self-awareness

It says to others: “You don’t have to perform here.”
It says to yourself: “I’m still in contact with how I really am.”

And that’s important. Because the more distant you get from your own emotional state, the harder it becomes to take care of it.

Try This Instead of ‘I’m Fine’

You don’t need to bare your soul. Just upgrade the response slightly. Here are five alternatives that are more honest, without being heavy:

1. “Bit up and down to be honest, but managing.”
This shows range. You don’t need to be one thing. You’re showing balance and keeping it real.

2. “Holding steady, but could do with a breather.”
You’re not collapsing, but you’re naming that something’s building. That’s useful data – for you and for them.

3. “I’m OK – not brilliant, not awful. Just OK.”
Neutral but honest. And it leaves room for a better question if needed.

4. “Quite full on lately – I’ve not really stopped to check in.”
You’re not giving an answer. You’re naming that you don’t yet have one. That’s valid too.

5. “Not great actually, but don’t worry – I’ve got what I need.”
This is for when you do want to be honest but don’t want care you’re not ready to receive. It sets a boundary and tells the truth at the same time.

One Step Further: Ask Better Too

If you want people to answer you honestly, your question may need adjusting.
Try:

• “How’s your energy at the moment?”

• “What kind of week has it been for you?”

• “Is there anything you wish you could say out loud right now?”

People usually meet you at the depth you offer.

Summary

The phrase “I’m fine” is often just a habit – not a true reflection. Giving a more honest response doesn’t mean oversharing. It simply keeps you in touch with yourself and gives others permission to be real.

• “I’m fine” can be distancing – even from yourself

• Slightly more honest answers strengthen connection

• You don’t need to give detail, just signal something real

• Better questions lead to better answers

• Emotional honesty doesn’t need to be heavy – it just needs to be allowed

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.