MSS #0137: Holding Space – How to Support Without Solving

MSS #0137: Holding Space – How to Support Without Solving

23 Aug, 2025

🕒Read time: 3.4 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Skip to “How to Hold Space Without Taking Over” for a reduced reading time of 1.4 minutes.

When someone we care about is struggling – whether at work or at home – the urge to help can be overwhelming.

To jump in. To advise. To rescue. To make it better.

But often, what people need most isn’t answers.

It’s space. To think. To feel. To find their own footing again.

This week we explore how to support others in a way that’s emotionally intelligent, grounded and genuinely helpful – especially when there’s nothing you can “fix.”

The Cost of Rushing to Help

It’s easy to confuse care with correction.
To jump too quickly to:

• “Have you tried…”

• “What you need to do is…”

• “Let me sort it for you”

It comes from a good place – of course it does – but it can create subtle harm:

• It puts you in the position of expert, even if that’s not what’s needed

• It implies they can’t handle it

• It skips the part where they feel seen

Support isn’t about removing discomfort.

It’s about being present while someone finds their own way through it.

What It Actually Means to “Hold Space”

Holding space means offering someone your presence without demanding they perform clarity, calm or progress.

It’s about staying with them long enough that they feel emotionally safe enough to think clearly.

You don’t need to agree. Or solve. Or guide.
You just need to stay with them – in the discomfort – for a bit longer than feels instinctively comfortable.

How to Hold Space Without Taking Over

Here are five ways to hold space with depth and care – in conversations with colleagues, friends or family.

1. Be Human, Not Heroic
You’re not there to rescue. You’re there to be real.
Try: “That sounds really hard. I’m here with you.”
Not: “I had something similar. Let me tell you what I did.”

2. Ask, Don’t Assume
Instead of rushing in with a fix, try:

• “Do you want to talk it through or just have someone sit with you in it?”

• “Is this a moment to vent or to figure something out?”
  Clarity on what kind of support they want changes everything.

3. Sit With the Silence
Silence is not a gap to fill – it’s part of the processing.
Let it breathe. Trust that thinking is happening.
Sometimes the most respectful thing you can do is stay quiet for 10 more seconds than feels natural.

4. Reflect Without Directing
You don’t need solutions. You can reflect what you’re hearing:

• “You’ve had a lot land at once – no wonder you’re feeling stretched.”

• “Sounds like this matters more than just the surface issue.”
  This shows you’re listening – not just waiting to respond.

5. Don’t Hold Their Emotions for Them
You can care without carrying. You can support without absorbing.
Remind yourself: “I can sit with them in this but it’s not mine to fix.”
Boundaried compassion helps both of you.

Summary

Supporting someone through difficulty doesn’t mean taking over or rushing to solve it. Often, the most powerful thing you can offer is presence – steady, patient, unforced.

• People don’t always need advice – they need space to think

• Holding space means staying present without pushing progress

• Ask what kind of support they want – don’t assume

• Allow silence – it’s part of processing

• Offer reflections, not instructions

• Care with boundaries – you’re not there to rescue

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.