MSS #0136: The Exhaustion of Pretending – Why You’re Tired Without Realising

MSS #0136: The Exhaustion of Pretending – Why You’re Tired Without Realising

16 Aug, 2025

🕒Read time: 3.3 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Skip to “What’s Really Making You Tired” for a reduced reading time of 1.4 minutes.

This week we’re looking at a form of exhaustion that creeps in quietly – the kind that doesn’t come from doing too much but from hiding too much.

You may be ticking all the boxes, functioning well, showing up every day – but underneath, there's a drain.

One that doesn’t respond to sleep or time off.

Let’s explore what happens when the weight of pretending, pleasing and holding it together becomes the thing that wears you out most.

Not All Tiredness Is Physical

There’s a type of tired that no amount of rest touches.

It’s not about your diary being too full – it’s about your self feeling too edited.

It’s the effort of:

• Smiling when you don’t feel like it

• Nodding when you quietly disagree

• Holding your feelings in so others don’t get uncomfortable

• Managing the emotional tone of a team or household

• Acting “fine” so you’re not a burden

None of these are wrong. Sometimes they’re necessary.

But done habitually, they come at a cost.

It’s not performance fatigue. It’s permission fatigue – from rarely giving yourself permission to be fully you.

Why This Gets Missed

This kind of tiredness is hard to notice because:

• You’re functioning

• You’re doing your job

• You’re being “strong”

• You don’t want to let anyone down

• You don’t think it’s a big deal

But it is a big deal.

Because it means you’re expending energy managing your image instead of supporting your wellbeing. And over time, that leads to burnout in disguise.

What’s Really Making You Tired

Ask yourself if any of these sound familiar:

• Constant internal editing – thinking twice before you speak

• Pretending to be OK when you're not

• Trying to stay upbeat to keep the mood steady

• Worrying you’ll be seen as difficult if you show frustration

• Avoiding difficult conversations to keep the peace

• Holding space for others without anyone holding space for you

These are all invisible energy leaks. Small on their own. Cumulative over time.

What Helps Instead

This isn’t about being unfiltered or over-sharing. It’s about giving yourself permission to be more honest more often – without losing your edge or professionalism.

Here are five things that work – small shifts that ease the pressure without needing a full-scale intervention:

1. Practice Honest Micro-Responses
If “I’m fine” isn’t true, don’t default to it.
Try something real but light:

• “Bit of a flat day today but I’m OK.”

• “Getting through – not firing on all cylinders.”
  This lowers the energy drain of acting “fine” when you’re not, without needing to explain everything.

2. Name What You’re Managing (Even Privately)
If you’re carrying a lot, it helps just to name it – even silently.

• “I’m holding a lot for other people right now.”

• “This is heavier than it looks from the outside.”
  You’re not making a fuss – you’re acknowledging reality. That alone reduces tension.

3. Reclaim a Moment That’s Just for You
Take ten minutes that aren’t useful or productive. Just yours.
A walk without a podcast.

Music you don’t have to talk about.

Coffee/Tea in silence.

It doesn’t have to be long – it just has to be off-stage.

4. Build a Micro-Moment of Honesty into the Day
Ask yourself one simple, private question:

• “What am I pretending not to feel today?”

• “If I didn’t have to hold it together right now, what would I say?”
  No need to act on it. Just name it. That’s often enough.

5. Protect a Small Pocket of Life That Isn’t Performative
Find one space in your day, week or life that isn’t curated for anyone else.
No updates, no explaining, no performance. Just you.

Ask: Where do I get to be unedited?
If the answer’s “nowhere” – that’s the first place to start.

Summary

Some of the deepest tiredness comes not from overworking but from over-managing ourselves.

When we edit too often, hold too much and share too little, the cost is emotional depletion that sleep won’t fix.

• Emotional fatigue often comes from over-managing how we show up

• Tiredness is sometimes about self-silencing, not workload

• Honest responses reduce emotional strain

• Simply naming what you’re carrying can help release it

• You don’t always need to fix it – just stop pretending it’s not there

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.