MSS #0172: Why You Say Sorry Too Much; And What To Do About it

MSS #0172: Why You Say Sorry Too Much; And What To Do About it

25 April, 2026

🕒Read time: 4.0 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Jump to “The 2-Step Reset” for a reduced reading time of around 2 minutes.

Have you ever noticed how often some people say sorry?

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“Sorry to ask.”

“Sorry, can I just say something?”

Sometimes we even apologise when someone walks into us.

At first glance it can seem polite.

Thoughtful.

Well-mannered.

But often there is something deeper going on.

Over-apologising is not usually just about manners.

It is often about habit and confidence.

The word “sorry” can become so automatic that we say it without thinking.

It becomes part of our default script.

A reflex.

And often it is a very old reflex.

Why We Say Sorry Too Much

There are two key drivers behind over-apologising.

1. It becomes a habit

For many of us, apologising started as a way to stay safe.

As children we quickly learnt that saying sorry could calm tension, avoid conflict or help keep other people happy.

The brain stores this as a useful pattern.

The trouble is, the brain often keeps using old patterns long after they stop helping us.

So years later we find ourselves apologising:

• For asking a question

• For needing help

• For having an opinion

• For taking up space

• For something that was never our fault

The brain likes shortcuts.

Once it learns a script that feels safe, it keeps using it.

Even when it no longer fits.

2. It is often linked to confidence

Over-apologising is often a sign that someone does not fully believe they are allowed to take up space.

They may be highly capable.

Experienced.

Talented.

Respected.

But internally they still feel unsure.

So “sorry” becomes a protective shield.

A way of shrinking themselves slightly before someone else has a chance to reject, criticise or challenge them.

The hidden message underneath the apology is often:

“I do not want to be a burden.”

“I do not want to annoy anyone.”

“I am not sure I deserve to be here.”

This is why over-apologising often sits alongside imposter syndrome.

People do not apologise because they are weak.

They apologise because their self-image has not caught up with who they really are.

The Hidden Cost

The problem with saying sorry too much is that it quietly chips away at how you feel about yourself.

If you keep telling yourself you are a problem, a burden or an inconvenience, your brain starts to believe it.

And other people can start to believe it too.

In leadership roles this matters even more.

Constant apologising can make you sound:

• Less certain

• Less authoritative

• Less confident

• Less influential

You might have brilliant ideas.

You might be exactly the right person for the role.

But if every sentence starts with “sorry”, you unintentionally weaken your own message before people have even heard it.

The 2-Step Reset

The good news is this can change.

Because over-apologising is a habit.

And habits can be changed.

Step 1: Catch the pattern

Start becoming aware of when you say sorry.

You do not need to judge yourself.

Just notice it.

For a few days, pay attention to the moments when “sorry” appears.

Then ask yourself:

“Did I actually do something wrong?”

If the answer is no, swap sorry for something stronger.

For example:

Instead of:

“Sorry I’m late.”

Try:

“Thank you for waiting.”

Instead of:

“Sorry to interrupt.”

Try:

“I’d like to add something.”

Instead of:

“Sorry for asking.”

Try:

“Could you help me understand this?”

It is easier to replace a habit than remove it completely.

Step 2: Update your inner selfie

Ask yourself:

“What version of me is apologising right now?”

Is it the current you?

Or is it an older version of you that still feels unsure, overlooked or not enough?

Quite often we keep acting from an old self-image.

A version of ourselves from years ago.

Less confident.

Less experienced.

Less certain.

But if you are now more capable, more knowledgeable and more experienced than before, your internal identity needs updating too.

The more your inner selfie catches up with who you really are, the less need there is to apologise for existing.

A Simple Question to Remember

The next time you feel yourself about to say sorry, pause and ask:

“Have I actually done something wrong, or does this just feel uncomfortable?”

That one question can stop an old habit in its tracks.

And help you speak with a little more confidence.

A little more certainty.

And a lot more self-respect.

See you next week.

One more thought.

You do not need to apologise for taking up the space you have earned.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.