MSS #0190: Why Avoiding Things Feels Good – But Usually Costs Us Later

MSS #0190: Why Avoiding Things Feels Good – But Usually Costs Us Later

📅29 Aug, 2026

🕒Read time: 5.0 minutes

🚀 In a hurry? Jump to "The FACE Method" for a reduced reading time of 2.4 minutes.

Imagine there's a phone call you know you need to make.

Perhaps it's to your bank.

Your GP.

A customer.

Your boss.

Or someone you've been avoiding for weeks.

You know the conversation might be difficult.

Your mind starts rehearsing it.

What if they ask awkward questions?

What if they say no?

What if you don't know what to say?

What if the conversation becomes uncomfortable?

So you decide,

"I'll do it tomorrow."

Almost immediately you feel better.

The knot in your stomach loosens.

The tension eases.

Nothing has actually changed.

The phone call still needs making.

The situation is exactly the same.

Yet your brain quietly rewards you.

That brief feeling of relief is one of the reasons avoidance becomes such a powerful habit.

This week you'll discover why avoiding uncomfortable tasks feels surprisingly rewarding and how taking one small action can break the cycle.

Why Avoidance Feels So Good

Avoidance is often misunderstood.

People call themselves lazy.

Undisciplined.

Or lacking motivation.

In reality, avoidance is usually your brain trying to protect you.

Your brain isn't asking,

"What's best for me next month?"

It's asking,

"How can I feel safer right now?"

When something feels uncomfortable, uncertain or emotionally risky, your brain encourages you to move away from it.

The moment you decide not to make that phone call or send that email, something interesting happens.

Your anxiety drops.

Your discomfort reduces.

You experience relief.

That relief feels rewarding.

Your brain notices.

Without realising it, you've just taught your brain an important lesson.

Avoiding this works. Let's do that again next time.

Psychologists call this negative reinforcement.

The reward doesn't come because avoidance solved the problem.

It comes because an uncomfortable feeling disappeared.

Your brain remembers the relief.

Not the long-term consequences.

The Hidden Cost

Avoidance works brilliantly.

For a while.

The problem is that it usually solves today's discomfort by making tomorrow more difficult.

The phone call still needs making.

The report still needs writing.

The difficult conversation still needs having.

Only now there's extra worry.

Extra guilt.

Extra pressure.

Avoidance quietly adds interest to the emotional debt.

The longer we leave something, the bigger it often feels.

That's why a task we've avoided for weeks can seem enormous.

Yet when we finally do it, we're often left wondering,

"Why didn't I just do that sooner?"

The Anticipation Is Often Worse Than Reality

Our brains are remarkably good at imagining problems.

Unfortunately, they usually imagine the worst version.

Before taking action we predict:

• The conversation will be awkward.

• They'll reject my idea.

• I'll make a fool of myself.

• It'll take ages.

• I'll feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes those things happen.

Often they don't.

Our predictions are heavily influenced by uncertainty.

The less we know, the more space our imagination has to fill in the gaps.

Many of the situations we avoid turn out to be far easier than we expected.

The anticipation was carrying most of the emotional weight.

Where Avoidance Shows Up

Avoidance rarely announces itself.

It often disguises itself as being busy.

Or waiting for the right moment.

You might recognise it here:

• Booking a medical appointment.

• Making an important phone call.

• Replying to an email.

• Starting a report.

• Applying for a new role.

• Looking at your finances.

• Having a difficult conversation.

• Beginning an exercise programme.

Different tasks.

The same brain mechanism.

Temporary relief.

Long-term cost.

The FACE Method

The next time you notice yourself putting something off, try the FACE Method.

F – Find The Avoidance

Be specific.

Don't say,

"I'm procrastinating."

Identify exactly what you're avoiding.

For example:

• Calling the customer.

• Opening the letter.

• Booking the appointment.

• Starting the presentation.

Action: Write down the one task you're avoiding most.

A – Ask What Feeling You're Protecting

The task usually isn't the real problem.

It's the feeling attached to it.

Ask yourself,

"What feeling am I hoping to avoid?"

It might be:

• Rejection.

• Embarrassment.

• Conflict.

• Uncertainty.

• Failure.

• Disappointment.

Naming the feeling reduces its power.

Action: Finish this sentence.

"I'm not avoiding the task. I'm avoiding feeling..."

C – Choose The Smallest Action

Your brain often sees the whole mountain.

Instead, take one tiny step.

Not finish.

Start.

Examples:

• Dial the number.

• Open the document.

• Write the first sentence.

• Read one page.

• Put on your walking shoes.

Small actions reduce uncertainty.

Once you've started, continuing usually becomes much easier.

Action: Choose something that takes less than two minutes.

Then do it immediately.

E – Expect Relief Afterwards

Many people wait until they feel motivated.

Unfortunately motivation often arrives after we've begun.

Don't wait for the uncomfortable feeling to disappear first.

Take the small action anyway.

Then notice what happens.

Relief often follows action.

Not avoidance.

Every time you experience that sequence, your brain learns a new lesson.

Action reduces discomfort too.

Only this version also solves the problem.

A Simple Experiment

For the next seven days, notice every time you catch yourself avoiding something.

Pause for a moment.

Ask yourself one question.

"Will avoiding this make tomorrow easier or harder?"

If the answer is harder, commit to just two minutes.

Nothing more.

Most people discover that starting was the hardest part.

One Final Thought

Avoidance promises relief.

Action delivers freedom.

Every small action you take weakens avoidance and strengthens confidence.

Not because the world suddenly becomes easier.

But because your brain begins collecting new evidence.

Evidence that uncomfortable doesn't mean impossible.

Evidence that you can cope.

Evidence that starting is often the hardest part.

The next time your brain whispers,

"Leave it until tomorrow."

Remember this.

You're not choosing between discomfort and comfort.

You're choosing when to experience the discomfort.

A little now.

Or usually a lot more later.

Summary

Avoidance isn't a sign of weakness or laziness.

It's your brain trying to reduce uncomfortable feelings as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, that short-term relief often creates bigger problems later.

By recognising what you're avoiding, understanding the feeling behind it and taking one tiny action, you can teach your brain that action provides lasting relief, not avoidance.

Quick recap

• Avoidance creates immediate relief.

• Relief rewards the habit.

• Problems usually grow with delay.

• Anticipation is often worse than reality.

• Find the task you're avoiding.

• Ask what feeling you're protecting.

• Choose one tiny action.

• Expect relief after action, not before.

See you next week. One more thought 👇

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, really hope this helped. Contact me if you think I can help you further at [email protected].

Happy thinking.